Cookin Craze

You guys I have the cooking bug.

Like real bad.

I don’t know what’s going on.  This is so not me.  I mean don’t get me wrong I’ve always liked cooking to a point but lately I’m like all about it.  Like its my hobby or something.

Maybe its all the food network I’ve been watching (its reaching obsessive proportions) or maybe its all the plants growing in my backyard (seriously, you guys!!! They are alive!) but I get home and I just want to cook something  delicious up.  On Monday I made a pot roast.  Making a pot roast (not in the crockpot) takes commitment.  You must treat your pot roast well, you must be gentle, rub it carefully, sear it  to perfect caramelization and then let it stew until it is beautiful and juicy.  Several hours later pot roast heaven occurred in my mouth. 

Oh Hello YUM YUMs!

Tuesday I made pasta with sundried tomatoes, sausage, spinach and cheese and it was the bomb diggity.  I also made peanut butter cupcakes with peanut butter fudge frosting…from SCRATCH.  A to the mazing.  Sorry no pics of that meal (because it got eaten oh so fast)

Tonight it’s homemade pizza.  I even made the dough this time.  And the basil, get this, is from MY GARDEN.  I have a garden you guys.  Even I’m shocked.  I probably just jinxed the crap out of myself and everything will meet an untimely death tomorrow but today, today my garden is gorgeous!

That basil is from MY GARDEN!!! 

Now lets not get any crazy ideas, I’m not quitting my life and going to culinary school.  For several reasons 1) That much butter and cooking of good things would definitely cause me to weigh 800 lbs 2) I may be a decent cook but I’m not that skilled 3) Sharp knives and me don’t mix all that well

Probably tomorrow I’ll be sick of it again, but right now its so fun.  I’m loving creating things, especially from scratch that look beautiful and taste good.  I love using fresh ingredients and knowing that the food I’m putting in my mouth didn’t come out of plastic and doesn’t have 15 ingredients that I can’t pronounce.   Its really satisfying and pretty ego boosting I’m not going to lie.   I have skillz you guys. So mom’s coming this weekend – what should I cook for her?!

Want to come over for dinner?

Besos,

Sarah

Just for Funsies Friday

...the rant variety.

Oh, god...my ears are BLEEDING!

Music that was delicious but has now been horrendously ruined by mass media:

• Anything by Adele...need I say more?
• Gotye - Somebody that I used to Know
• Fun - We are Young
• Sia...why Sia why did you partner with Flo Rida.  Blegh
• Calvin Harris - Feel So Close
• Jessie J - Domino
• Ellie Goulding - Lights
• All things David Guetta
• Karmin - broken hearted

Music that was always terrible and is still making me ears bleed... (I refuse to link these because they make me sad)

• Flo Rida - Good feeling (apparently I'm not a flo rida fan..)
• LMFAO - Sexy and I know It...Really?  REALLY?! 
• Pit Bull  - Back in Time
• Maroon 5 -  Payphone (I'm going to rip my ears off if I hear this again)
• One Direction - What makes you beautiful - maybe I'm heartless but I actually hate this song, for real.  It's like disneyland meets inspirational quotes on crack.

This section could go on until the end of time so I'll just stop here.

On a similar note, while I'm not a fan of American Idol (I'm sorry but it's just ridiculous) I'm not going to lie, I really dig Phillip Phillips.  Part of it is the name (reminds me of wilson wilson on home improvement).  Part of it is the sexy dave matthew's-esq-ness. Partly it is because it appears he can actually play an instrument unlike the other 15 year olds on the show.  And the fact that he essentially never wears anything but a tshirt and jeans is a super turn on.  I'm also pretty much a sucker for an underdog success story - I love it when the quirky kid wins.  I look forward to what he does in the future...hopefully it won't make it on either of the above lists.

Happy Long weekend to those of you who get to celebrate memorial day!  SP does not get memorial day off (BOO!) which means that I will be celebrating in my pj's with a good book!

Besos,
Sarah

Babies On Purpose

This one has been sitting in my "To Be Published" file for a while now while I went back and forth on how angry people would be about what I had to say.  But I've been reading a lot of baby blogs lately and it makes me think about what kind of world we are building for them.  SP says that if its what I feel than I should write it.  So here goes:
                          
Say what you want about gay people,  (actually don't, keep that hateful sh*t to yourself) but our babies, our gay-bies if you will, they are one thing - they are on purpose.  Our babies are loved for years before they appear.  They are planned for.  They are agonized over in every detail.  These babies they are dreamt about with a fervor that couples with the possibility of "oops" can't even begin to imagine.  I truly believe that there are really no oops babies - that life shakes out the way it is meant to be.  But our babies, they are certifiably un-oops.  They are expensive in every way before they even become ours to be responsible for.  But they are oh so loved.

Why do so many people hate us just for loving our babies?  For wanting them to grow and love and learn and be part of the history of this world?  Why do they hate us for loving our partners and trying to enjoy this beautiful chance at life we've been given?  I can't understand this hatefulness towards love.  I try and try and try to understand.  I want to know why people hate instead of love.  It takes up way to much of my time and brain space.

While I am grateful that Obama has finally (FINALLY) spoken up about the need for marriage equality in this country, on the other hand sometimes I can't even fathom that we are still talking about this.  That the "gay issue" is something that is even up for debate.  I sincerely hope that when my on purpose babies grow up they won't even give a second thought to having 2 mommies or the "gay issue"  I love who I am (it took a long time to say that) and I do want to have the same legal rights as every other couple in America.  But I also want this "issue" to be over.  I want people to worry more about the fact that there are 925 million hungry people in the world, that there are 800 million people in the world that don't have access to clean drinking water, and so on and so forth.  There are so many unimaginable atrocities in the world right now that need all of our attention, time, efforts, and money - so why are we wasting so much time on so many "non-issues" 

Maybe I'm naive.  Maybe I'm slow or maybe I am all those horrible things that people write on those giant signs.  But I'm not starving.  And I have as much clean water as I'll ever need.  I'm really not that interesting.  So why do people think they need to butt into my life? 

I know one thing for sure.  My partner and my on-purpose babies - we are going to focus our energy on trying to leave this world and our brothers in it a little bit healthier and happier, no matter who they love.

I'm not dead.

And neither are my plants!  (knocking on some wood right about now).  In fact...drum roll please, on Sunday I bought even more plants.  I know you're probably thinking - oh sarah why tempt fate?  But that's just me.  I'm such a rebel ;)

What I really didn't need was to have more living things to take care of when my work schedule is bumping up like crazy and we're 4 months away from our wedding - but clearly I didn't consider these factors whilst I was convincing SP to allow me to hoard plants in our patio.  Kori is not pleased to say the least.  Her patio is shrinking by the hour.  And I won't even let her eat the leaves off the plants...meanest mom everrrr.

What are dead, however, are my arms.  My bootcamp class is kicking me in the boot.  When I get home it takes every ounce of energy I have to lift my arms up to wash my hair.  If I wasn't so insanely sweaty and stinky I wouldn't shower, like if there was any possible way I could get away with not showering, I would - seriously.  I was so tired yesterday when I got back that I just collapsed on the bed.  I was late to work and I didn't care because I literally couldn't lift my body out of bed.  It was like swimming through mud.  Yesterday was one of the days that I was incredibly glad I work at a desk.  Because if I had to do any kind of manual labor yesterday - I would have been fired.

That being said, I love bootcamp.  I love that at 6am nobody wants to talk, they just want to work out.  I love that when I groan and grunt nobody rolls their eyes or looks at me funny.  I love that even if I haven't turned into a 90lb model my body is getting really strong again.  I feel powerful - and that really is the point of exercise isn't it?  (or to clear your arteries or something...)  Bootcamp was probably infinitely harder yesterday due to the large amount of cheese that was consumed this weekend.  I couldn't help it - mexican food taste testing for the wedding (what what?!)...

 

 You wish your wedding food was this good!

...and a papusa at the whole earth festival brought me far more joy than any ounce of extra weight could hurt my self esteem.  It was worth every fat gram and every calorie.

It was a beautifully full and slow weekend.  SP had to work on Saturday so I had a whole day to myself.  Before 10am I had done 5 loads of laundry, washed the dog and changed the sheets.  Then I read an entire book ( Kisses from Katie) which, while a little too Jesus heavy for me, still made me want to sell all of my belongings and take SP and move to Uganda to adopt as many tiny, beautiful babies as I could find.  SP got home from work later that afternoon and I proudly proclaimed "I never changed!" as I was still in my pj's and still on the couch.  I even napped.  It was a miraculous day.

On Sunday I talked to my momma for 45mins.  I'm not sure why I'm pointing that out since I talk to my mom freakishly often.  It was nice to not talk about wedding plans the WHOLE time ;)  And then SP and I went to the Whole Earth Festival - which is only the best reason to live in Northern California.  The weather was perfect, the food was amazing, and we bought some lovely fair trade items. 

Here is the only picture I took this weekend - SP eating 5 gallons of ice cream at WEF

And then I lost my mind and bought a lot of plants (again)  Apparently I should not be allowed near gardening stores on Sunday afternoons - because I can't help but try to recreate the garden of eden on my 3 foot by 10 foot patio....mmmmm  It was a very happy un-mothers day to me!

Hope everybody out their celebrated their momma's and to all the non mothers - happy un-mothers day to you!

Channeling Kermit

I have taken the plunge friends.  I've become green.

I am a self proclaimed plant killer.  Like I can't keep a plant alive to save my life.  All throughout college my mom would come visit and she would buy me houseplants (because she is a strong believer in having foliage in the home) and I would kill them.  I don't know what it is.  I can keep a dog alive no problem...well...I can keep a dog alive.  In theory shouldn't that be harder than plants?  yeah no.

So the only houseplants we have now have been SP's domain and SP's domain alone.  I don't water the plants.  I don't move the plants.  I don't change anything about the plants.  I stay very far away from them in fact in hopes that my bad plant juju will not kill them from afar.  I've never even wanted plants that much.  I think they are pretty and I recognize that they are important for the planet.  I just know my skill set limitations - and plants are outside my talent area.

But I don't know what happened.  I kept seeing all these cute gardens online and it was earth day and everything.  And then I saw THIS.  And I was like, WANT WANT WANT.  I love fresh herbs.  The idea of pulling them off my wall and putting them into my food was like the cherry on my housewife fantasy.  So I forced SP to take me out to get some mason jars and some herb plants and some wood and other weird stuff (I don't do home goods).  I was all excited and stuff until we got to home depot and that was ALL SP.  Because me inside of home depot is like a lost child.  I wander around all doe eyed looking at weird building paraphenalia thinking wh wha whaattttt.

And then we had all the herb garden stuff and something snapped in my brain.  And the insane person inside of there said, Sarah you should plant a garden on the tiny ass patio of your tiny ass townhouse.  The frenzy began.  I had SP pulling out giant pots and researching types of potting soil.  So I spent that evening potting my plants (probably way too close together) and watering them and trying to figure out where they were going to fit.  And then trying to figure out how to keep the dog from eating the leaves (WHAT THE EF DOG?!)

But even with all that...

Ta-da!

LIVE PLANTS!!!

Thats a bloom people, that means maybe if I pray a lot there will be tomatoes!

Clearly the herb garden is currently not on the wall.  Thus is the project problem. It's so fun for a little while.  And then its really not that fun.  And then it sits there half done.  But I am DETERMINED to finish.  And by me I mean I've determined SP is going to finish it for me...just kidding...sort of...mmmm love you SP ;)

Also amongst the planting and cleaning up of the patio we found this plant.  We thought this pot was empty.  But when SP pulled it out it was full of potting soil...and a plant.  10 points to anyone who can figure out what it is.  In the meantime we've decided to just let it grow and see what happens.  If it's a weed...it's kinda pretty. And clearly it's hearty since it was left for dead for at LEAST a year....(see I'm such a killer!)

So it's only been about 2 weeks.  But that's about 2 weeks longer than I've kept any other plant alive so I guess that's an accomplishment.  I'll keep you posted peeps.

Post Script: I have to thank you all for the encouragement on the last post.  I feel like changing my body is really hard.  But changing my mind is also REALLY really hard. So it's nice to know there are people in my corner :) If you're in Sac and in the bootcamp market check out Kristin Walton!

Just for Funsies Friday!

Is this not the prettiest decaf non fat latte that you ever did see?! If you live in Sac and want one of your own Check out Temple!

Happy Friday Peeps!

This is not a weight loss blog...

Except for today.

I've never wanted to broadcast my body and eating habits to the internet so I never ever in 1 babillion years considered writing a weight loss blog, but that doesn't mean I couldn't.  I know more about the topic then I ever ever wished.

So Sarah, if you don't want to write a weight loss blog, why are you then indeed writing about weight loss?  Well blog let me tell you why:

1) It is currently consuming a large quantity of my life.  And since this blog is supposed to be about my life it's going in this one(?) time only

2) I think health is important to people and this really is a health post and not strictly a weight loss post

3) I do what I want... so put that in your pipe and smoke it.

But in all reality I am spending a lot of my time these days thinking about (and acting on those thoughts) about health and fitness and not shoving my pie hole full of...well...pie (and/or CHEESE)

I know a lot about weight loss for a combo of reasons including but not limited to the fact that I have been obsessed with body image for a very long and sad period of my life, there's a lot of info out there and I'm a giant nerd who sucks it alllll in, I find body chemistry and nutrition fascinating, and I've probably gained and lost the equivalent of a toddler about 900 times in my relatively short life.

Due to a few factors I've definitely struggled with healthy eating and maintaining a healthy body weight.  And since I'm into lists today here they are in no particular order:

A) I love food

B) I love food

C) I don't find many forms of exercise particularly enjoyable

D) I have a genetic cocktail of issues working against me

E) Oh did I mention that I love food?

F) I'm definitely an emotional eater - and all emotions = food

G) I love food

H) I'm also a boredom eater...urgh

I) I'm 1/2 Italian - nuff said.

So in high school I was really active and generally ate anything I wanted and I was probably really healthy then (minus some of the crap I was putting into my body like nachos)  I'm sure I was probably at a normal body weight also but I definitely thought I was huge.  And it was horrible.  It did not help that my friends were stick thin.  But despite some mildly bad body issues in my brain I survived and loved my life and was healthy and fit.  I was running and swimming and playing water polo.  I'm sure it was my most fit time ever.

And then I went to college.  Where I was so insanely out of my element and was having an epically hard time adjusting to the new places and people as well figuring out who I was.  And there was all that going to class, never sleeping and really bad eating habits that coincide with going to college.  Oh and the fact that I was really not doing any working out.  Needless to say I gained way more than the freshman 15.  After college I got a new job (in the sticks) had some major life changes (a relationship ended) and hit an all time low point.  At the urging of my then boss (and now brother from another mother) I signed up for a 6 week boot camp class.  We started eating only things that were made with 90% cardboard.  We worked out 2 hours a day (I'm not lying 2 whole hours).  And we never went out to eat or drink the booze.  Let me tell you what.  The weight definitely came off.  And I was STRONG.  Like carry essentially my own body weight strong.  But while it was incredibly positive in that I learned a ton about nutrition and I shed some unhealthy weight.  I became also, a woman obsessed.  Like CRAZY.  The meticulous tracking of calories, the weighing myself multiple times a day (or hour), the reclusiveness that ensued from being so overly concerned about eating, the planning and the weighing and measuring.  It was definitely bordering on disordered eating.  And was most definitely a coping mechanism I was using to feel in control of my life that felt out of my (control freak) hands.

Life changed.  It had to.  I went back to school (shocker) and entered into a new relationship (yay SP!)  The stress and change of it all was immense.  Writing a thesis and finishing grad school and then very quickly starting a new job = not a small falling off the wagon but rather an avalanche.  I cried everyday writing my thesis.  And apparently cheese and chocolate were the only answers.  I lost 5lbs in one week when I started my new job because it was so stressful.  But don't worry I counteracted that with another 10+ lbs out of fear and stress eating.  Needless to say that I am back to the place where my body no longer feels strong and healthy.  I'm back in the place where clothes don't fit quite right and all my musclessss are hiding.  And while my endurance is still pretty dang good (I mean I ran an entire 10k just a few weeks ago - i use the word "ran" loosely of course) my strongs are not so strong and my healthies are not so healthy.

And with big (huge) life changes on the future -  you know like weddings and things that start with k and rhyme with bids I want to be the happiest and healthiest me I can be.  So after many discussions with SP about how I can be a healthy me without being an insane person who has no friends and cries because she's hungry. I am now dieting - sort of.  And by dieting I mean eating less than the truckfull I was eating before.  And eating healthier things (like 90% less cheese) and more things that come from the ground instead of out of a plastic package.  I also started another bootcamp class. This one is only 1 hour 3 times a week.  Which I think is more manageable and more realistically sustainable.  That being said.  I started on Monday morning (at 6 F'ING AM) and it is now Wednesday night and I  can only finally just walk up and down the stairs without groaning.  And let me tell you what, the couple of sneezes I had yesterday, were akin to having my stomach cut open while being awake.  But all the pain and awkward limping, its pretty satisfying I'm not going to lie.  The competitive person in me is fighting with myself and making me work hard.  And I'm proud.

Now its been a week of being conscious of what I eat (and to be completely truthful I am watching calories - they have an App for that!).  And I feel so much better already.  I feel proud of myself for my moderation.  I feel proud of myself for the pain in my body that means I'm working it hard.  That means one day I will be carrying those heavy things again.  I feel proud that I am always re-orienting my mind to my health.  To enjoying MY life.  And not focusing on every detail and nit picking my gorgeous body that has given me this healthy life.  Because even though I'm trying to reshape my body I am still so much more than it.  And it is great in every stage.  

So will I be updating my blog every day with my weight loss changes and what I'm eating and how I'm exercising, no.  But I am making some changes.  Making me more proud - and infinitely more sore.  Because I love this life.  Every little bit of it, up and down.  And this life is far too short to make it any shorter with cheese ;)

Here's to me.  

Because I can have my light beer and drink it too!