Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Quarter life crisis (part 5million)

Autumn Nonsense
How many quarter life crises is one allowed?  Probably only 4 if they are really going to be quarters I suppose.

But I've never been all that conventional anyway so I'm adding on a few more just for sh*ts and giggles.

I had lunch with a friend the other day.  One I haven't seen in awhile.  A friend who has always had the ability to make me feel like I can do and be more than I ever thought I could.  And I was honest with her.

I'm not adjusting well.

The coming back from the whirlwind and the wedding and the traveling.  I'm not coming back well.  Don't read into this the wrong way.  SP and I are fabulous..  We love each other as much as ever - more having survived all that together.  But I'm personally not doing well.  I don't know if its just the autumn blues or what.  But I  I have a really great life.  And that gets in the way of me figuring out what's going on.  There's so much conflict inside of me.  Great job, great partner, great apartment, great(ish) dog - great life.  But I feel unfulfilled at work.  Like what I'm doing doesn't mean anything and that I should be doing more or doing something else.  But I don't know what.  And you don't go soul searching at a time like this.  When people with master's degrees are working at McDonalds.  You don't abandon greatness because you want greater.  Do you?  But then what do you do about the aching on the inside?  The whispering voice that says in the morning, don't get out of bed, just stay here in the sun, go for a walk, make a meal.  Don't sit caged in an office reading your 4,000th email, putting together ANOTHER budget scenario.  I can't breathe in there sometimes.  And I don't care some days if I do a good job or not.  And I hate that.  That isn't me.  This blase feeling isn't me either.  I am meant to give more of myself, to be more.  But I don't know what to do.  And that is such a weird feeling.  School?  Different job?  Same job different attitude?  More volunteering?

I am so very grateful for my life (it makes me feel bad inside to even suggest that I am unhappy for a minute - but I suppose that's real life) I really am happy.  I just feel like something is missing.  I want such a slow life.  A little life. 

Maybe I just need a fat, rolly polly baby to make everything better?  I just don't know.

What do you think internet?  Maybe this can be a choose your own adventure...but you choose my adventure ;)  Vote me a new adventure?  Pretty please?!

I don't know.  Maybe it's just this silly Autumn nonsense.  Oh Autumn...

Saint Theresa’s Prayer

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing that you are a child of God.  Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

No comments:

Post a Comment