Thursday, November 15, 2012

Crashing Off the Wagon

 Symptom: All of my pictures are of food...

Remember that one time I posted about making changes and trying to be healthy and all that nonsense?  And then I did that for about a half a minute and then life really truly got in the way of doing anything else.  You know I got married and went to Europe etc etc etc.

I mean there's a million excuses and I've been doing this up and down thing my whole life.

But lately its so down.  (not life, my health)

I'm definitely getting some MAJOR signs lately that I am not treating my body the way in which it would like me to treat it.  And now I'm in this horrible twisted cycle of feeling bad and not treating myself well and then feeling worse.  And while sometimes my brain thinks that eating anything I want (like pounds of cheese and bottles of wine) and sitting on the couch sounds like the best idea ever - my body is rebelling in so many ways.

So now I have to get back on the wagon in some way that will actually work.  I was running again, prior to freakish back injury - sign #29384 that I need to get healthy, and I'm hoping that taking this week off to let that freakish injury heal will not throw me out of that routine.  But I have this problem - maybe some of you have it too - where when I'm exercising a lot (or more than not at all) I rationalize in my crazy brain that because I'm exercising I can eat anything I want.  Whattt? You'd think that getting moving would make me more conscious of the food going in my pie hole, but oh no, not me.  Run 3 miles, eat 3 cookies.

I do have a few things going for me.  Once I get exercising I really do like it.  The getting going is the hardest.  But I'm not a complete exercise hater.  And I have a treadmill so I have none of those weather excuses.  I also really love to cook.  WEIRD.  The problem is I like to cook things that are full of cheese.  I think the key here is to enjoy cooking whole healthy foods, instead of white flour filled foods.  Curiouser and curiouser.

There are definitely learning changing moments that need to happen though.  Like less quantity.  And these blocks in my brain that cause me to go to crazy crazy extremes (even now there is part of me that's like "lets go to the crazy work out for hours and eat nothing place", that makes me meticulous and nuts)  The problem is that the crazy extremes are tried and true.  They work.  If you exercise a ridiculous amount and only eat salads you lose weight.  But you also lose your mind.  And then you find yourself in the kitchen eating sticks of butter and blocks of cheese out of the fridge.  In my real brain and my real heart I know there is a healthy medium.  A place where one can eat healthy foods and move and stretch their bodies without being crazy.  And yet I still feel like now I'm too far gone, and maybe there is a place for a little crazy?

I don't know.  All I know is that today I'm taking a walk (because that's all my strained intercostal muscles will allow me).  And I'm going to eat a healthy dinner.  Because those are the things that I can control right now.  And I'm going to think about conscious eating and conscious movement and planning.  Planning is really seriously important to crazy control freaks like myself.  Because when your blood sugar is crashing and you're dying to eat and lay on the couch - if you already got rid of all the candy and you have some trail mix in the cabinet the chances of butter eating are much slimmer.

I'm also determined that this moderation can happen on a budget.  Because budgeting is a big part of adult life these days.  With all these future hopes and dreams we can't be spending exorbitant amounts of money on crazy diet foods or crazy health foods - we can't be spending lots of money on any foods (or anything for that matter really)

So here we go again.  Back on the wagon.  Well...after I find the wagon.

Any suggestions internet?  I just want to be healthy and not crazy (or no more crazy than I am now) 

Gimme what ya got...

Besos, Jabba the Hut Sarah

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