Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Funk a Dunk

The last couple of days I've been a grouch.  It happens.  I know you're shocked.  Because really I'm a happy rainbows kind of girl.  But I definitely have down days.  And I think that the internet in particular paints an always happy picture.  Which is great.  Its good to focus on the positive and recognize what great things you have in your life.  Its important to be grateful and to highlight all the good.  It makes life better.  It makes the little things big and glorious and full of happiness.  But I think all this goodness - it makes us compare ourselves to others.  It makes us think that everybody has the perfect life.  And we wonder, why don't I have the perfect life?  Why don't I have a baby and a house and perfectly manicured pictures?  Why don't I have time to  craft and bake and take pictures of lady bugs?

But I have the perfect life for me.  Sans lady bugs and perfect picture taking skills.  

And sometimes my perfect life includes a little sadness and a little funk.  I know that some of it comes from the whole weather changing nonsense.  And I know that some people would tell me that since we generally don't get snow here where I live that I don't technically experience weather, but my freezing hands, and dark evenings say otherwise my friends. And 27 years of suddenly feeling blue when it starts to get colder and darker has led me to a self diagnosis of seasonal affective disorder.  Sure I've never been "really" diagnosed but my intense desire to stick my head directly into light fixtures come the winter months...I'm just saying, I think I have it. 

And the problem is that once you get down in the mire.  Its easy to stay down there.  Its really easy to be a grump.  There are so many sad and hurtful things in this life and when you are grumps you can find them ALL.  And you are the best at it. The valedictorian of finding everything horrible and everything to be mad at.  The people drive too fast, they drive too slow, there is no food in the house (when there is in fact a ton), the dog smells, all my clothes itch or look like crap or both etc etc etc.  I could go on forever. 

...And this is when the discipline has to kick in.  The gratefulness training.  This is when I have to force myself to remember the good things I have.  And some days it take a lot more work than others.  Some days I have to physically make a list of reminders or everything can very very quickly go to sh*t.  Some days its easier.  It's a hug from the one I love, a good book, a cup of coffee or a delicious treat.  Like Mini chocolate chocolate chip pumpkin loaves.  (Recipe will be on the other blog soon!) 

But on top of all of that making myself feel good, I remember that sometimes we get sad in this life and that's just ok.  God gave me some tear ducts and I plan to use them as much as I need to.  Sometimes letting the sadness roll over you is just what you need.  You let the hurts sit on your heart, you let the tears roll down your cheeks.

And then the next day (or the next week, there's no time line in personal sadness) you take flight because the sad has had its time and your heart finds its wings again.

Some yums that make me smile

I found my mom's old glasses at COSTCO.  I think they look pretty good on me too ;)

 My baby dog snuggle buddy and some veggie cookin!

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