Wonderful Wednesday: A Horrible Kind Of TWW

If you missed the first posts of this series, created by Amanda over at Little Monsters & Mommies, it is pretty simple - Post something wonderful from your world every Wednesday. Because the world could always use more wonderful!

Let me start this story by ruining the ending.  It's a good one.  I just want you to know that ahead of time because if I was reading this on someone else's blog and they didn't lead with that I would sh*t an internet brick...And with that...

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Those of you familiar the with the trying to conceive world are familiar with the TWW acronym. For those of you so luckily on the outside let me explain.  Typically TWW stands for Two Week Wait and is the time you are waiting between insemination (of some variety) and when you can take a pregnancy test to see if it all worked.

This TWW however was a different variety - of the heart attack inducing type.

Around 19 weeks we went in for our anatomy scan-the one where traditionally people find out the sex (we are not those people but more on that later) and they check to make sure the baby is developing appropriately etc.

So we sat through a very long scan with a very unfriendly sonographer who told us she couldn't tell us anything while she was measuring but she would show us the baby afterwards.  We sat in literal silence throughout the whole thing while I gave SP sympathetic eyes in hopes that her bladder wouldn't actually burst right there and then (it didn't, for the record)

We left the exam feeling fine, everything looked babylike and we had a follow up in a couple of days with out doctor.

And then we got a call from the genetics counselor.  Let me tell you something...you never want to hear "I'm the genetics counselor" in someone's intro, it just doesn't feel good.  They told us that while the ultrasound looked normal the baby had a small cyst on its brain (which can be part of normal brain development) and that one of the blood tests was not low enough risk and the combo of these things meant maybe the baby had Trisomy 18.  (Ps my heart has stopped now) We are then informed that our options are to do nothing and see if the baby is ok or do an amniocentesis which does carry some risk of miscarrying.

Can we all say Oh hello Panic my old friend?!

Just for your reference Trisomy 18 is fatal.  People don't survive it.  In fact most infants with Trisomy 18 only live days or hours. (Thanks Dr. Google for all the SCARY @$$ INFORMATION!)

So we decide to go to the follow up and talk to the doctor because now we are paralyzed by fear and tears.  Luckily I am a firm believer in science (and simultaneously miracles)...and for once in my life the stats seem to be in our favor.  But you know...somebody's got to be the 1 in a million.

Another genetics counselor calls again the next day (day before the doc).  We're pretty turned off to genetics counselors at this point, but this woman is like a genetics cheerleader...she couldn't be more positive and peppy... she had absolutely reached the pep limit.  She peppily informs us that there is one other option besides waiting or sticking a ginormous needle into SP's body - we can do a higher level blood test.  Wait what?!  You're telling me the other counselor just FORGOT that option?!  (cue blind rage!)

We go to the doctors office, she says get the blood test its great and really accurate.  She is super non-chalant (in a good way) and tells us this is just a bump and after this we will sail right along in this pregnancy.  I'm trying to believe her with every fiber of my being.

Right after the doctor we walk across the hall to the genetics counselor and peppy pepperton meets with us in person.  She is mini mouse in human form. In normal life I would find her annoying I think, but her insane sunshine is surprisingly making me feel better. I'm also pretty sure she's telling us without actually saying the words that she really thinks we're in the clear (or maybe this is a self preservation method I'm employing?!)

Peppy tells us we can have the Harmony blood test done today.  And it is covered by our insurance (small miracles).  The only downside is the results take.2.weeks. Blargh.

SP has her blood drawn and we go home and try to pretend everything is fine and that the next 2 weeks won't be a living hell.  I find myself marking calendars and counting down dates very similarly to how I did during those initial trying to conceive TWW's.  

1 very painful week passes.  One of us is probably crying every night (at least we're trading off?) going through the what if's.

On day 12 (mid work day) SP sends me a text that says "can you talk now?"  I call her immediately thinking Peppy has already called her.  She tells me genetics left her a message and she is going to conference us all together while she calls back.  Proceed to hold breath.

Luckily it's peppy herself on the other line (I'm bizarrely happy it's her and not some...stranger...) and she proceeds to tell us it's good news.  The risk is super low that the baby has any genetic disorders.  I go blind and deaf and say a prayer of thanksgiving and wait for her to hang up the phone.

SP and I talk briefly.  We're both trying desperately not to cry because we have to go back to work (big hint...it's not working)

So moral of the story - this time we're not the 1 (well 98% certain we're not the 1) but it definitely got me thinking about how lucky we are.  Why are we not the 1 and somebody else is?  Life can be cruel and beautiful.  It's hard for me to understand why we are lucky enough to have a healthy baby on the way, when so many others aren't so lucky.  

Regardless of the why I'm grateful. And probably even more grateful now that I'm not taking the normal healthy for granted. Making babies is still a hard and brutal thing, even in this day and age. And we're so lucky (and grateful grateful grateful) to be a part of it!

And for reading all of that you get this:

Dippity Dot @ 24wks.  Isn't my wife beautiful?!

P.S. Babymoon updates to come SOON!