Light in the Darkness - Aka Goodbye Crappy 2016

Happy 2017 my friends!  

My annual re-cap is a day late and to be honest it hasn't been a banner blogging year for me - especially sparse as of late.  But I have a good reason.

In case you missed the news...

Yep, that's right, little ole me is PREGNANT.  And as it turns out - using a lot of science to create a gayby and then making a human life and managing a toddler and a life really take it out of you.

But, even though I'm terrified for this coming New Year, I'm determined to find the shiny side of this new slate.  So, first a quick recap of my paltry blogging and the highlights of our year and then onto some goals and hopes and dreams for 2017.

So without any further a do... 2016 in a nutshell:

JANUARY
I turned 30!  It turns out that I love 30.  I feel good and settled.  I have a wife I love and a beautiful daughter.  And in honor of being 3 decades SP and I drop baby girl off with my parents and head to mexico for a long weekend.  And it's AMAZING!

FEBRUARY
I suck at blogging but in my defense February is a short month.  Baby girl turns ONE whole year old!

MARCH
I finally get around to blogging about baby girl's First Birthday Bash!  It was a perfect celebration of surviving the first year and thanking those who helped us navigate the incredible roller coaster that is parenthood. And somewhere in Feb/March baby girl starts walking!  A whole new crazy world.  We also did a quick run away to the mountains this month and stick baby girl in the snow...she is less than impressed.

APRIL
I catch up a little bit but the time still keeps flying by.  We have a zoo day with friends and celebrate easter with our little family.  We also throw a bangin baby shower for our dear friends...and just in time because their little one showed up shortly after a tad earlier than expected.  (for the record we are in love with that little nugget - including baby girl who asks for her little friendALL the time!)

MAY
We get a housekeeper and life is so much better.  We still have them come in once a month and it seriously has made a huge difference in my happiness level.  We were also supposed to go camping this month but then we all got hand foot and mouth - joy!  Let me tell you what - hand foot and mouth hurts like a you know what!  Don't recommend it!

JUNE
I finally get my summer bucket list up on the blog - even though I barely did any follow up on it (so much suckiness with the blogging this year!).  We did actually do some of the bucket list - we eventually went camping (end of August), we (aka SP) fixed up our master bathroom, we had several brunches with our friends, I killed my tomato plant... 

June was also secretly when we started trying to make baby number two.  I have a TON of hidden journal entries that I will eventually get around to putting up here.  Let's just say that IVF is no joke and neither is OHSS.  I'm a pro at giving myself shots now...and I'm also a pro at having my blood drawn.

And then Orlando happened.  And the human race broke my heart again.  I still don't have any words to talk about it.  Just tears and sorrow.

JULY
At the end of June my parents came to visit and we took baby girl to a little farm and to visit her uncle (but you know...I wrote about it in July)! And then we rapidly followed that up by heading down south to go to a wonderful wedding and spend a week relaxing. Unfortunately this was also when we found out that our first round of IVF had not worked.  It was a rough roller coaster but it was nice to be distracted by the sun and the sand.  And SP and I snuck off for an overnight alone!  

In July baby girl and I also did swimming lessons.  Which.were.awful!  But I'm still glad we did it.  We continued to lie about trying to add a baby to our family ;)  And we babysat a cute baby! 

AUGUST
I suck at blogging.  I go visit some friends in so cal.  I don't say anything about it on the blog because I suck at blogging.  It is a really much needed weekend with some of my most favorite girl friends.  We also go camping - it is hot as you know where.  We also get to do my first shot for IVF #2 in a tent by flashlight...  However baby girl suddenly decides that she loves the water during this camping trip so that's something.

SEPTEMBER
I suck at blogging.  IVF #2 takes place.  On Sept 21st - International Day of Peace - we transfer one embryo.  A week later I get my first EVER positive pregnancy test after a cumulative 3 years of trying.  I spend September at the doctor and being terrified it won't stick.

OCTOBER
I suck at blogging.  Also morning sickness.

NOVEMBER
The election happens.  And once again - heart break.  I kind of spiraled into a dark sadness after that.  And I continue to suck at blogging.

DECEMBER
I finally feel solid enough to announce to the world that baby #2 is coming in June!  I do still suck at blogging though.  We had a wonderful Christmas at home just the 3 of us and then we jetted off to the east coast to spend a week with my grandparents and parents and brother and aunt.  It was busy but wonderful to see them all.

And then here we are...

So 2017...what are we going to do with you eh?  Well for one thing, I won't be making any specific resolutions because they just don't really work for me.  I do have a few concrete goals and I have an overarching theme to work on this year as well.

My concrete goals are relatively simple:

• Send more snail mail!  Send cards for all occasions (ON TIME - that's going to be the real work)  I love snail mail and I know others love it too.  So here's to stimulating the postal service.
• Read more books.  I've gotten back into it lately, but in general I'd like to spend a little less time tv watching and a little more time feeding my book nerd self.
• Find a faith community.  I really miss church and how it feeds my spiritual self.  I wouldn't call myself particularly religious anymore (I once was) but I desperately miss some of the rituals and I miss the community.  And I miss the focus on serving others and self betterment and overall love.  I'm still struggling a lot with the round peg square hole situation I've been feeling about religion since I no longer attend the catholic church...but it's high time I find something that fills my soul.
• Get in the picture.  I'm the quintessential mom behind the camera.  I want to be in the memories too!  And I want to print more pictures and make more photo books.
• Blog 1x per week.  2017 is going to be a banner year - one way or another. And I want the record.  I miss having the memories down on "paper."  And I miss contributing to the online community.
• Healthy Baby Healthy Mama. Take care of myself and this little one I'm growing!  Get him/her here safely!

Overall this year I think I'm going to focus on Finding the Light.  I have a lot of fears about the darkness in this world.  And thusly it is time to be light and live light!  I want to prove people wrong with love.  I want to find the small joys.  I want to build love and light around me.  I want to make the best of whatever comes along.  A small crack in the darkness is all it really takes to start a revolution.  It is time to love fiercely and fight even harder.

Be Brave, Live Bright!

Love,

Sarah

Keep Calm and Catch Up

Oh my gosh yall, I don't even know how to catch ya up!

First - yes we are all still alive
Second - yes things are really great and really busy
Third - yes baby girl is WALKING!  Eep

For the most part things have been same old same old, in that SP and I are working working working.  And Momming momming momming.  And honestly some days its insanely hard.  But all days it is amazing. I still adore being a mommy so so much.  So much in fact that the beginning months of insane exhaustion memories have started to fade and SP and I have tentatively broached the topic of throwing another kiddo into the crazy mix (some days that prospect sounds insane though! Like when baby girl is literally throwing herself on the ground and throwing a full on tantrum at only 14mos old...mmmm....)

So here's the quick catch up:

February
-baby girls first birthday
-Work is getting pretttyyy busy
-February disappears

March
-I was insanely busy at work.  Like work all day and then work at home at night too.
-We spend an overnight in the mountains!  Beautiful and baby girl's first time in snow...maybe not her favorite.  Much much needed getaway.

 Snow Bunny Baby!

Maybe I don't love this moms...

 -Zoo day with friends!  Cute kids, cute animals, cute cute cute.

-Easter!  And Baby Girl kind of gets the whole opening gifts things, so that's fun!  (no candy!  scrooge-mommies ;)

 
-March disappears

April
-Work is still realllllyyyy busy
-Baby girl starts WALKING!!!!
-We throw a baby shower for some friends!  Baby is born about a week and half later (sneaked that right in)  Baby girl has a brand new friend and my ovaries start talking to me REAL hard ;)

 It was an outdoorsy/elegant theme

And obvi a photo booth!

And maybe party planning is my fall back job? 

-April disappears

Are you seeing a theme here friends?  The time it is a passin!  Some days feel insanely long but overall time just seems to be whizzing by (and I'm just getting older and older...boo hooo) But I'm doing everything I can to savor every hard and fabulous moment!

I've missed ya'll!  

Be Brave!
Sarah

Dear Baby Girl - 1 Year Old Edition!

Dear Baby Girl,

On February 11th you turned 1 year old!

I still can't believe it a few weeks later. 

We had a birthday party for you this year - really a celebration that your mom and I had made it! We survived one whole year with you!  And I can honestly say, that while it was probably the hardest year yet, it was far and away the most breath-takingly amazing year of my life. I've never felt more like I'm my truest self-est Me than I have this year. Just like I always knew I would be a good wife, I also knew I was meant to be a Mama - and this year has only solidified that this, this mama-ing is me.

I am lucky though, because I couldn't have asked for a sweeter, easier baby. Of course you have your moments (like the part where you started throwing full on tantrums at 11 months...the Doctor says your advanced....lucky us?!) but in general you are so smiley. You eat everything (like EVERYTHING) and you sleep. And for those gifts your mom and I are so grateful.

Lately you've been really into the following:

-Saying Uh-oh

-Talkin!

-Eating anything you can get your hands on and A LOT of it! I think eating is probably your favorite activity.  Even if you've already eaten, if somebody starts eating...you want some!

-Baby dolls - in all shapes and sizes

-Opening and closing doors and cabinets

-Trying really hard to say "Thank You"

-Signing please

-Pointing

-Cruising around the furinture

-Shaking your head back and forth like a maniac and laughing

-Skype-ing with Grandma and Grandpa

-Eating

-Then Eating some more!

I can't imagine my life without you baby girl! You are the light of my life :)

Love,

Mama

And some scenes from your rockin 1st birthday party (PS...your mom and I have agreed...you're not having another birthday party for a LONNNGGGG time!)

Mommies and the Birthday Girl in the Flower Photo Booth

Aunties in the Photo Booth

Birthday Girl and her Buddy

Birthday Friendsies!

Buggy Bean Bag Toss!

Decorate your own cookie

The Aunties!

Fun in the Ball Pit

Plotting how to get ALLL that cake into your mouth!

 WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY GIRL!!!

Blogmas Vol 25 - Merry Blogmas - The End!

Well my friends, the Blogmas project has come to end! 

A few observations:

1) I finished!
2) It definitely made me push myself outside of my comfort zone!
3) I don't think I need to blog this frequently maybe ever again ;)

Our Christmas day was lovely - more to come about Baby Girl's first Christmas soon - but first...a little blogging break!  I'm planning to spend the rest of my time napping, eating burritos and walking on the beach!

Happy Christmas my friends! From my little family to yours! WE LOVE YOU! Be Brave!

 

Blogmas Vol. 11

Dear Baby Girl - Vol. 3

Dear Baby Girl,

Today you are 10months old. 10months ago at 10:27am, after 38hours of hard labor you made your glorious entrance into our lives. And every moment since then has been nothing short of a roller coaster - an amazing one!

Every month has been my favorite. This past month you've been clapping and saying uh-oh all over the place. You smile like a fool...but only when you feel like it. You are most definitely afraid of all adults these days, but you can warm up if given the chance. Little people however seem to be a-ok with you.

You are still a really great baby! You rarely cry and fuss. You still sleep pretty well, although we're going through some sort of fun sleep regression right now where you wake your mom up at about 3am every day - FUN!

You love to eat eat eat!  You have 4 teeth - 2 on the top and 2 on the bottom.  I'm pretty sure one of your top canine teeth. You've sort of learned how to bite with them, but not quite. You are really good at mushing things around with those gums though. You still cry if we don't share food. And if our food looks better than yours - you won't eat yours. Your favorites right now seem to be just about anything. Seriously you eat it all.  You do love cheerios and puffs though. And while you like to feed yourself and want to eat regular food - your not so great at the self regulation (ie you will put 17million cheerios in your mouth at once if given the opportunity) so we have dole things out carefully.  

You are also a crawling, knee standing/knee walking, pulling yourself up fool.  You can't quite get both of your feet up under you yet but you're working really hard on it. And you can definitely reach A LOT from your knees.  You love to chew on the coaster on my night stand. And pull anything off of any horizontal surface possible! Such fun!

You love socks...yeah we don't know. And you love to touch everything you know you shouldn't (light sockets, dog bones etc) Mostly you just like to touch!  You also love the noisest toys possible - again - Such fun!

You are a constant delight. When I pick you up from daycare you and you rush to see me and clap your hands my heart melts into a million pieces. When I tuck you in at night and you make your funny little grunty sounds again...the melting. I hate to watch you cry (except when it's  a little bit funny lets be honest)

I can't wait to see what the next few months bring. I can't believe that in just 2 more months you will have been on this planet (on the outside) for an entire year! But I can't even go THERE yet!

We love you babygirl. More than life it self. More than anything and everything compared. You have brought the greatest lessons and challenges into our lives. And most importantly the greatest joys!

Love,
Mama  

Our favorite "walker"

Baby's first pizza crust!

 

Dear Internets: A Catch-up!

Dear Internets,

I'm so sorry I've been willfully neglecting you as of late. As it turns out all I want to do is smush my baby cheeks. And some times (insanely) think about having another baby's cheeks to smush.

But not to worry my internet friends.  I have been dutifully stalking you and your smushy babies as well. And I love every minute of it.  And every time I read another cutie baby blog (or just great life blog) I think to myself - I should write too!  I have thoughts!  I have things to say!

And then instead - I smush baby cheeks instead!  And you know what, sorrynotsorry!

Life is so full these days.  It is exhaustingly beautiful.  It is too much and not enough all at the same time.  I don't even know how to catch up so I'm just going to write a few things, throw in some pictures and try to get going again on here.  Because really I miss the record of our lives. And I miss the outlet.  It is one of my few creative places. And one of the only adult things I have left to hang on to these days!

September and October went away with the blink of an eye.  We took baby girl up to the Apple orchards twice and it was awesome.  Apple fritters and tchotchkes galore.  She's such a good baby, I can't even talk about it.

We had no intention of dressing her up for Halloween (because really, she was 8 months old and goes to bed at 6:30pm...I know...shut up) but we caved at the end and she was the most fearsome pirate you ever did see.  We also dragged her out to the pumpkin patch which was hilarious and fun. And then we decorated those pumpkins and let baby girl smush all that goo around (how bad is it if your kid eats raw pumpkin?!) and it was glorious. SP and I watched Hocus Pocus and passed out candy until we actually ran out (2 costco bags!) 

We spontaneously decided to take SP's birthday off of work early November.  We had a nice lunch out together just the two of us.  Unfortunately both of SP's grandparents passed away the weekend prior to her birthday so it was a bit of a somber day but it was good to have some time at home and some time together.  The next weekend was a double funeral for the couple. So we packed up the car and drove to utah with our 9mo old in tow.  It was an incredibly touching and heartbreaking service.  They were salt of the earth people who demonstrated unconditional love in a special way. They loved me from the start - which you can imagine was a challenge their coming from a mormon background and my being a lesbian and all... But it was nothing but love from them from the start. And for that, for giving me my wife, and for giving our baby her middle name I will always be grateful.

And on Monday after that excursion my parents came in to town!  I have to say it was a perfectly timed (albeit busy) distraction.  They've loved up on their grandbaby.  My brother spontaneously joined us as well so it was a full house of hugs and mall walking and taking the baby to the park for the first time!

And we also took mom back to the Apple Orchards! (3rd time for Baby Girl in less than a year!)

And speaking of baby girl - She is 9 months old as of 11/11!  She's growing like a weed. And I'm not going to lie she's the sweetest thing there ever was. She's smiley and squishy and crawl/scooting all over the place. She's also doing this stand on her knees thing all the time and trying to pull herself up thing. She wants to touch everything. And loves to EAT. Unfortunately her moms are real scared about giving her big chunks of food (choking is like a REAL fear for me!) But slowly but surely she is working her way through everything. And most definitely would prefer to eat what we eat and not baby food. (in fact she cries until we let her try it typically...) This morning she sat under my chair and stared at me while I ate breakfast...It's cute when it's not creeping me out!

SP and I are doing well.  Although I'm not going to lie...we are tired. And I don't know about her but I know I miss having adult time...My January birthday vacation can't come soon enough!  But we are a good team - taking turns with the kiddo and the crazy fur baby (who seriously has not slowed down at all...ugh) The tired makes it hard to do other things, but we still make time for each other whenever we can fit in a moment!

So that's that for now.  Hope you are all well my friends, I miss you!

XOXO
Sarah