Arrivederci 2017

Arrivederci 2017

2017 had a lot of darkness. But it had one brilliant bright spot. In June our sweet boy joined our family and we lit up and stretched and grew in so many ways. 

And while I wrote less than ever this year here is where we were in 2017:

January

I turned 31 and spent the day with my darling girl. I was past the 1st trimester and finally not feeling like death. I hit 20wks this month!

February 

Our little girl turned 2! And suddenly was an enormous full sized kid. She continues to light up our lives with her laughter and smiles.

March

We took a babymoon to Catalina and it was amazing! Just me and SP getting pampered and hanging out in the beautiful sunshine! I also went to a work conference and had dinner in bed like a real pregnant lady. I hit the 3rd trimester and got diagnosed with gestational diabetes.

April

Just got bigger and bigger! Had the first Easter that baby girl sort of understood.

May

Got really really big.  Kept waiting for baby to come...not so much

June

Made it all the way to 40wks.  Which almost never happens with gestational diabetes.  Was induced on my due date - long story short, this kid did NOT want to come out.  Induction lasted 3 days/nights and ended in a c-section. (Birth story still to come I swear!)  On the 12th at 10pm this kiddo finally joined our family.  After 5 days in the NICU we all made it home!

This is 40wks to the day, right before leaving to be induced!

July

Just darkness and sleep deprivation.

August

More sleep deprivation. We also go down south to visit the parentals.  Babes first time in the ocean! We make it to the 2 month mark!

September

It is insanely hot where we live.  We go stay in a hotel and it's the best stay-cation ever!

Laughed for the first time on 9/1/17!

October

SP goes on a weekend away with her mom.  I survive a full weekend alone with both kids!  

I also go back to work and live to tell the tale.  It's a rough transition but it's good to be back.  And luckily it's a pretty good transition.  

I'm finally coming out of some pretty intense postpartum anxiety (again, another story that is coming).  We celebrate LB (little Boy's) 1st Halloween.  LG (little girl) is super into it once she realizes people are going to give her candy. She asked to be a dragon this year.  It was amazing and we obliged!

November

5 mos with LB!  He is a smile monster!  He loves his sister.  He loves to eat and is a chunky monkey.  We celebrate thanksgiving.  I remember that Thanksgiving 2016 I was finishing up some really painful shots in my rear end.  LB is totally worth it!

December

I decide to do Blogmas - I think it's mostly a success (?!) LG is in love with Christmas!  We go to my parents and it's fabulous how excited LG is about everything Christmas related.  In fact even today she asked if she could see santa.  And we're full circle!

So that was the year.  Basically a big blur - especially the last 6 mos.  And a lot of it was really really hard.  But there were clearly some beautiful moments as well.  So 2018 what will you have in store, that is the question. I've been racking my brain to try to figure out what I want to focus on this coming year and I've come up with a couple of things:

1) Showing up.  Putting my body, mind, and soul where my mouth is.  Along with my dollars and votes of course.  I need to start really calling my representatives and putting myself in protests that I believe in.  I have work to do in being the best ally I can be. And in general I just have a lot to learn even when its scary or sad or hard.  So I think the first step is to just keep showing up and sitting in all the discomfort and fear.

2) Saying no.  I've gotten into a bad habit again where I'm falling into the busy trap.  And where I neglect myself to please others. Some of it is out of necessity (I have kids that have to be taken care of and my needs have to be put aside) and some of it is just a bad case of people pleasing and guilt.  It's ok to say no.  So no no nooooooo! 

3) Be Brave!  It's time to get back to being brave.  To remember that being brave means being vulnerable.  Means being recklessly kind. It means showing up and also sometimes saying no.  It means doing things even when it's hard. It means finding the pieces of myself that seem to be buried. And letting go of things that aren't serving me. It means letting go of perfection and fear and embracing joy and gratitude.  Because just being happy and grateful makes everything enough. 

Much love my friends!  I know 2017 was rough on many (all?) of us personally, politically, professionally etc...  But I think that in 2018 we are going to dig out the good. We're going to love the crap out of each other.  We are going to be our bravest best selves.  We're going to be the heroes of our own lives - and in doing that we're going to give the world exactly what it needs.  

And we're going to be so dang happy.

Be brave my loves, be brave!

I love you!

Dear Internets: A Catch-up!

Dear Internets,

I'm so sorry I've been willfully neglecting you as of late. As it turns out all I want to do is smush my baby cheeks. And some times (insanely) think about having another baby's cheeks to smush.

But not to worry my internet friends.  I have been dutifully stalking you and your smushy babies as well. And I love every minute of it.  And every time I read another cutie baby blog (or just great life blog) I think to myself - I should write too!  I have thoughts!  I have things to say!

And then instead - I smush baby cheeks instead!  And you know what, sorrynotsorry!

Life is so full these days.  It is exhaustingly beautiful.  It is too much and not enough all at the same time.  I don't even know how to catch up so I'm just going to write a few things, throw in some pictures and try to get going again on here.  Because really I miss the record of our lives. And I miss the outlet.  It is one of my few creative places. And one of the only adult things I have left to hang on to these days!

September and October went away with the blink of an eye.  We took baby girl up to the Apple orchards twice and it was awesome.  Apple fritters and tchotchkes galore.  She's such a good baby, I can't even talk about it.

We had no intention of dressing her up for Halloween (because really, she was 8 months old and goes to bed at 6:30pm...I know...shut up) but we caved at the end and she was the most fearsome pirate you ever did see.  We also dragged her out to the pumpkin patch which was hilarious and fun. And then we decorated those pumpkins and let baby girl smush all that goo around (how bad is it if your kid eats raw pumpkin?!) and it was glorious. SP and I watched Hocus Pocus and passed out candy until we actually ran out (2 costco bags!) 

We spontaneously decided to take SP's birthday off of work early November.  We had a nice lunch out together just the two of us.  Unfortunately both of SP's grandparents passed away the weekend prior to her birthday so it was a bit of a somber day but it was good to have some time at home and some time together.  The next weekend was a double funeral for the couple. So we packed up the car and drove to utah with our 9mo old in tow.  It was an incredibly touching and heartbreaking service.  They were salt of the earth people who demonstrated unconditional love in a special way. They loved me from the start - which you can imagine was a challenge their coming from a mormon background and my being a lesbian and all... But it was nothing but love from them from the start. And for that, for giving me my wife, and for giving our baby her middle name I will always be grateful.

And on Monday after that excursion my parents came in to town!  I have to say it was a perfectly timed (albeit busy) distraction.  They've loved up on their grandbaby.  My brother spontaneously joined us as well so it was a full house of hugs and mall walking and taking the baby to the park for the first time!

And we also took mom back to the Apple Orchards! (3rd time for Baby Girl in less than a year!)

And speaking of baby girl - She is 9 months old as of 11/11!  She's growing like a weed. And I'm not going to lie she's the sweetest thing there ever was. She's smiley and squishy and crawl/scooting all over the place. She's also doing this stand on her knees thing all the time and trying to pull herself up thing. She wants to touch everything. And loves to EAT. Unfortunately her moms are real scared about giving her big chunks of food (choking is like a REAL fear for me!) But slowly but surely she is working her way through everything. And most definitely would prefer to eat what we eat and not baby food. (in fact she cries until we let her try it typically...) This morning she sat under my chair and stared at me while I ate breakfast...It's cute when it's not creeping me out!

SP and I are doing well.  Although I'm not going to lie...we are tired. And I don't know about her but I know I miss having adult time...My January birthday vacation can't come soon enough!  But we are a good team - taking turns with the kiddo and the crazy fur baby (who seriously has not slowed down at all...ugh) The tired makes it hard to do other things, but we still make time for each other whenever we can fit in a moment!

So that's that for now.  Hope you are all well my friends, I miss you!

XOXO
Sarah