Monday, March 5, 2012

How to remove your finger prints using only paper and your own spit.

  Oh Heyyyy Paper!

Step 1: Open 5 GABILLIONITY GILLIONTY envelopes - each containing approximately a bible's worth of paper.  And those of you reading the old testament like me, you know that's pretty much a sh*t ton.  Excuse my French, but dannnng.

Step 2: Lick your fingers ever 2 pages because they are so dry you can no longer pick up anything, let alone another dang gum piece of paper

Step 3: Get a paper cut.  Lick it.  Dry your fingers out some more 

Step 4: Do this 40 trillion times a day for 10 hours straight for 2-3 weeks straight.  Repeat, repeat, repeat.

I title this one: Study in Desk Surrounded Part 1
And... Study in Desk Surrounded Part 2
It's application season for my fabulous science nerd program right about this time.  And thus begins the portion of my life where I listen to every song that exists on pandora as I sit in my office literally surrounded by students paperwork.  We are WAY over our target applications this year (somewhere around the 920 mark - multiply that by at least 3 pieces of paper and a file folder per applicant and you can see why I have no fingerprints) which means that I will probably not see the light of day for another 2.5 - 3 weeks.  I mean on Friday I forgot to pee.  Me.  The ultimate pee-er of the universe.  I got home and realized I had not peed all day.  That's how you know something is really wrong...

I did something crazy this year though, I hired myself a student worker.  Aka hired slave.  I feel cruel paying this highly intelligent woman minimum wage to open envelopes and file things.  But she needs money and I need help.  And I do listen to good pandora stations so I guess its not the worst deal in the world for her.  For me it's like winning the freakin lottery.  3 hours of help in one day was like magical fairies of joy came down from heaven and cleaned up my pig sty of an office.  I almost cried.. happy sparkle tears that is.

Happy Monday kids.  May your week go fast and your weekend last long!

Over and Out,


  1. You probably did not need to pee because you expended all that spit.

  2. And, my thoughts are with you! Good job on the numbers by the way! - Emily

  3. Gotta love student workers! Nice job!