Thursday, January 31, 2013

The Day the Cable Died

Oh hello friends.  It’s been a while.  Thanks for indulging me while I wallowed in a little bit of the winter blues and some self-indulgent sadness.   I don’t even want to tell you what the middle of January looked like at our house.  Mostly a tornado of crap around the apartment and me in my sweatpants and a lot of the food network.  It was going to a bad place real fast.

And so the truth must come out.

We killed the cable.

Something had to be done to get me off the couch and catapult me back into real life.  And to be honest, that sh*ts EXPENSIVE.  While looking over our bills for the 900th millionth time I thought to myself, self, why are we paying so much for the tv?  This is ridiculous.

And so the great cable debate began.  SP was pro cutting it for a long time now.  She never had tv pre me.  But I love the tv.  Like love love.  But the love was becoming the toxic kind.  The Stockholm syndrome was setting in deep.  You know like you love your abuser.  And my TV was abusing me.  Causing me to spend way way too much time on my hind quarters.  Vegging is a good thing.  But becoming catatonic, not so much.  And the money.  Do you know how many mani/pedis I can get now ;)  Just kidding.  But it will definitely help pad the future baby diaper fund, that’s for sure. 

And so on Monday, I said goodbye to my good friends on the food network.  And it’s been almost a week without any live TV (there’s still the internet…please…I’m not Amish) and I can’t believe I’m saying this…but I don’t mind.  It might be because I still have Netflix and have indulged in plenty of old episodes of 24 and Bones.  And it might be because now I am reading my book more.  And because SP and I eat dinner at the table now.  I always thought I liked background noise.  But the lack of constant TV chatter is soothing actually.  I find myself enjoying the quiet.  And the sound of my own voice singing me through my tasks.  I mean really…I love my own voice, for shizzle.

I don’t know we’ll see how it goes of course.  I’m sure (?) that this isn’t a forever change.  Probably some day I will get the food network back (I mean really, I love the food network, I really do) but right now, so far, its workin. 

So Adios Cable!  And helloooo Sunshine!

Sunshine.  And can we talk about how long my crazy hair is getting?
Also I joined the Gym.  But that’s another horrible story for another day ;)


Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Funk a Dunk

The last couple of days I've been a grouch.  It happens.  I know you're shocked.  Because really I'm a happy rainbows kind of girl.  But I definitely have down days.  And I think that the internet in particular paints an always happy picture.  Which is great.  Its good to focus on the positive and recognize what great things you have in your life.  Its important to be grateful and to highlight all the good.  It makes life better.  It makes the little things big and glorious and full of happiness.  But I think all this goodness - it makes us compare ourselves to others.  It makes us think that everybody has the perfect life.  And we wonder, why don't I have the perfect life?  Why don't I have a baby and a house and perfectly manicured pictures?  Why don't I have time to  craft and bake and take pictures of lady bugs?

But I have the perfect life for me.  Sans lady bugs and perfect picture taking skills.  

And sometimes my perfect life includes a little sadness and a little funk.  I know that some of it comes from the whole weather changing nonsense.  And I know that some people would tell me that since we generally don't get snow here where I live that I don't technically experience weather, but my freezing hands, and dark evenings say otherwise my friends. And 27 years of suddenly feeling blue when it starts to get colder and darker has led me to a self diagnosis of seasonal affective disorder.  Sure I've never been "really" diagnosed but my intense desire to stick my head directly into light fixtures come the winter months...I'm just saying, I think I have it. 

And the problem is that once you get down in the mire.  Its easy to stay down there.  Its really easy to be a grump.  There are so many sad and hurtful things in this life and when you are grumps you can find them ALL.  And you are the best at it. The valedictorian of finding everything horrible and everything to be mad at.  The people drive too fast, they drive too slow, there is no food in the house (when there is in fact a ton), the dog smells, all my clothes itch or look like crap or both etc etc etc.  I could go on forever. 

...And this is when the discipline has to kick in.  The gratefulness training.  This is when I have to force myself to remember the good things I have.  And some days it take a lot more work than others.  Some days I have to physically make a list of reminders or everything can very very quickly go to sh*t.  Some days its easier.  It's a hug from the one I love, a good book, a cup of coffee or a delicious treat.  Like Mini chocolate chocolate chip pumpkin loaves.  (Recipe will be on the other blog soon!) 

But on top of all of that making myself feel good, I remember that sometimes we get sad in this life and that's just ok.  God gave me some tear ducts and I plan to use them as much as I need to.  Sometimes letting the sadness roll over you is just what you need.  You let the hurts sit on your heart, you let the tears roll down your cheeks.

And then the next day (or the next week, there's no time line in personal sadness) you take flight because the sad has had its time and your heart finds its wings again.

Some yums that make me smile

I found my mom's old glasses at COSTCO.  I think they look pretty good on me too ;)

 My baby dog snuggle buddy and some veggie cookin!

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

It's My Birthday and I'll....

...Be an old lady if I want to....

Well I'm closing out another year and ringing in another new one...again...  But this one is my personal new year (that and everybody else born on this date (well...the 6th technically) of course, but in my world it's mine)  It is the first year where I think I'm starting to feel older.  I mean not like OLD OLD - SP reminds me regularly that old isn't until you hit at least 90yrs old.  But I just feel like my age I guess.  I'm an adult.  Like a real one.  And that's sort of weird soemtimes.  I'm married for goodness sake.  And I am hurtling towards 30 at a somewhat terrifying rate.  I mean not that I'm afraid of 30 (I'm not, I'm sort of looking forward to it to be honest) but the passing of time is going really really quickly.  I'm long out of undergrad now.  and long long (depending on who you talk to) out of highschool.  But mostly its the life benchmarks that keep me feeling older - like the being so insanely stable.  And the wanting to stay in on new years instead of out and crazy.  And the desire to talk about the future and buying houses and having kids - and not in that one day maybe wistful sort of way, but in the this is really gonna happen, planning sort of way.  It's pretty nuts.  And it's my life.  

And the crazy part is.  I.LOVE.IT.

Being an old stable lady really is for me.

So stop rambling and get on with what I actually did for my birthday you say?  You got it!

Well on Friday SP made an adorable dinner in.  And by made I mean picked up from our favorite Italian restaurant and we ate it by candle light and it was fabulous.  On Saturday we spontaneously decided to head to San Francisco to see the "painted ladies," walk the Fisherman's wharf, visit the Musee Mechanique, and eat ice cream at Ghiradelli Square.  My bestie even met us there!  It was the perfect day.  And on Sunday I spent my entire day in my stretchy pants.  We even ate lunch in bed while watching trashy rom com's.  Oh SP, she indulges me so.  Best birthday yet and they're only getting better!

 The Beautiful Painted Ladies

 My gorgeous baby on the gorgeous pier

Delicious Cafe Lunch at the Bean Bag Cafe (YUM)

Musee Mechanique 

Chocolate Paradise

And how my REAL birthday started out.  Coffee and my FURBABY

And that's a WRAP!  26 over and OUT.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

January is for Lovers

Lovers on New Year's Day...hence my lazy eye
Everybody thinks that February is for lovers... but I disagree.  I think that January is perfect for lovers.  It’s cold and ideal for snuggling.  It’s a fresh month, everybody is jazzed and ready for a clean slate.  All that happy healthy crispy fresh air.  I don’t know, seems pretty dreamy and lovey to me.

I’m feeling surprisingly inspired this January.  I don’t know what it is.  I still am struggling inside with what I’m doing with my life and making it mean something to me (and to other people) but for the first time in a long time I feel like maybe there is a chance I can take charge and turn my life into picture perfect perfection.  And even if it’s not perfect, I already have truly grown to love my imperfect life.  And while 2012 was crazy busy and full of some truly momentous occasions, one of my greatest accomplishments, I think, in 2012 was becoming more grateful.  What I didn’t realize (somehow) is that gratefulness is a craft.  And a lot of work.  You don’t just become happy, sparkles, and full of bliss out of nowhere.  You become aware of all that you have and all of your potential slowly, painfully and with meticulous crafting. 

And as part of this fabulous growth process I’m learning to love myself more (see how I tied that all in there?)  I’ve been watching all these insane food documentaries (Forks Over Knives, Hungry for Change, Vegucated…just a few of the latest) that have essentially made me terrified of what I’m putting into my body.  And while I know myself and know that there is absolutely no chance of me going straight to an all vegan diet I know that at least switching to a vegetarian diet will do my body good.  That and the fact that I no longer have an unlimited supply of Christmas cookies at my disposal anymore (thanks mom…)  But another part of making myself healthiest and happiest is learning to love myself no matter what my body looks like outside.  I am not my body.  This is something, that along with gratefulness, I need to learn and work on.  Yes, I inhabit my body.  No, I don’t think I should just throw my hands up and let myself gain 800lbs (because I could, trust me).  But I need to recognize that I am so much more than my hair, and my skin, and my weight.  And this is something I’m going to have to craft.  So my ultimate resolution, goal, intention (whatever you want to call it) for 2013 is to accept and love myself as fully as I can and continue to develop myself.  I am working really hard at changing my mindset.  And slowly but surely I have felt myself creeping back into my bones.  And the new parts building and growing and feeling myself grow into who I’m truly meant to be.  And I’m pretty cool.  I really am.  The other day SP said to me, you seem so happy, so light.  And I REALLY am.  Really nothing has changed either.  In fact there have been a few challenges lately that I’m pretty sure in the past could have derailed me seriously but they haven’t.  So I guess I really am growing…awww yeaahhh boiiis! 

So I hope you are all out there loving yourselves too, because, gosh darn it, we deserve it!


And on a side note – in the vein of growing and changing (and testing my vegetarian skillz ) I will now be contributing to this cooking blog: Cooks Unlimited  You should check it out and tell me if you want to see any specific non-meat recipies…