Friday, June 28, 2013

Now you can have a REAL marriage.

This week my life changed forever.

Sounds dramatic right?  And it has been a pretty dramatic week for the LGBT community and really everyone.  But this is really the first time for me that a legal change has changed my every day life.  The striking down of DOMA and the overturning of Prop 8 have a dramatic affect on my life - especially because SP and I live in California.  

And to really seal the deal the stay was lifted WAY earlier than anticipated and California started marrying people TODAY! and not 25 days later (which is what we all were originally planning on).

And then I heard the comment from a family member - now you can have a real marriage.  They meant it as a kind gesture and I took it as such but it definitely got me thinking.  Was my marriage fake?

While I definitely cried when the news came out and was gloriously happy at the ability to finally have my marriage recognized under the law, it didn't change my marriage at all.

My marriage happened even before my wedding last September.  It happened when we decided that we were each other's forever.  When we decided we were in it for the long haul. When our lives and hearts were intertwined forever through secret promises made laying in bed, just the two of us.

So don't get me wrong.  This was an amazing victory for our country.  I am so so proud that our lawmakers and politicians are finally starting to do the right thing (I also think its RIDICULOUS that we're STILL talking about this but that's another story for another time)  But my marriage is already real.  And I'm loving married life let me tell you what.  I was meant for marriage.  I was meant to be dedicated to my soul mate.  I was meant to be a one woman woman (har har)  

But don't think we won't be running down to the clerk's office next week to get our marriage license.  Because we most DEFINITELY will.  Because even if I know my marriage was real, is real and always will be real, I REALLY want that real marriage license.  The one that is not only recognized by my state but also by my country.  How great is that to say?  Pretty dang great!

Monday, June 17, 2013

June - over and out

Remember that one time I was going to blog more often?  Oh yeah that's all the time right?!

Well I have no excuses (except the whole SP and I both started new jobs simultaneously and between the 2 of us we are working 3 jobs thing...except that)

Nothing totally monumental has happened but there's been a lot of good happening around here.  So I'm definitely not complaining.   I can't remember all of the details because its been kind of a whirlwind but I do remember some pretty great moments.  Like this:

I mean really, who doesn't love a spa night at home.  Clearly we're goobs!

There was also this:

Which was A to the MAZING!  I'd forgotten how much I love some live musical-ness.  And the music in this show just blows everything out of the water.  More musicals please.  

And to bring June fully into gear there was this:

We played it small and close to home this year and went to our local, smaller Pride instead of the giant SF Pride  and I have to say I kind of loved it.  We spent the day with friends, soaking up some serious sun, watching the parade, and laughing and enjoying ourselves.  It wasn't clausterphobically packed or super duper dirty and it was nice to spend time with some close friends and 10,000 allies.

And now June is rapidly heading towards its close.  And I'm frantically prepping for my nerd kids to come.  It's pretty bittersweet - my last year working directly with these kids.  While they and their parents have made me crazy these past few years and while the working hours have been pretty heinous - I'm not going to lie, I'm a little sad to be letting go.  (But not that sad!)  Especially because I'm just moving on to new nerdy kids - older ones (grad students) and I'm loving getting to know them slowly and learn who they are and what they are doing.  It feels good to be part of the nerd family - even if I have no nerd skills of my own!

Happy June friends.  Enjoy it while it goes whizzing by!

Monday, June 3, 2013

Blogging for LGBT Families - Why Tonight (Or The End Of June...) Will Be Momentous For Me.

Today is Mombian's 8th Annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day.  Basically a day for LGBT families and allies to blog about their families and the importance of equality.  And since I think this post I wrote a while ago pretty much sums it up...I'm reposting it.  Because my family deserves equal rights.  And I'm hoping they come soon!


Prior to getting "illegally" married to SP (Super Partner), I always did my own taxes.  Turbo tax was pretty self explanatory and I don't make enough money or own enough property or valuable things to make it complicated.  Fill in the blanks.  Get tax return.  (or pay that one HORRIBLE year when all my paperwork was messed up)  This year SP and I took one look at the laws regarding filing taxes as Registered Domestic Partners (RDP) - the gay version of marriage in CA right now - and knew there was no way that we could file our taxes accurately.  And yet, we still don't make a lot of money, we don't own a house, or have children.  So, in reality, we should be able to file together no problem.  And still.  No.  Dice.  So we paid (some really nice people) a decent chunk of our tax return to file our taxes for us.  So that we wouldn't do it wrong.  So that we wouldn't be audited and have it cost us even more of our hard earned money. 

As many of you know SP and I want babies.  The other day I was thinking about what would happen if something happened to either one of us during labor/delivery.  What if there was an emergency?  Would we have a legal right to one another?  Would our families allow us to visit?  Who would get the baby should something terrible happen (premature I know but these thoughts, they come)  What if one of us becomes disabled?  Or hurt?  Or god forbid - Killed.  What if we win the lottery or lose all of our money.  Will we have any legal obligation to one another?

If you've met us, if you've seen us together - you know we love each other.  I can see the love in SP's eyes every day.  I know that we will fight for our illegal marriage no matter what the government or mean spirited people say about us.  We already fought to get here.  We've been tested.  Being Married, legally, it means something.  It holds weight with others.  Because no matter how deep our commitment to one another, no matter how hard we love one another - some people they need a piece of paper to give us what we know we have already earned.  Just by being us and in love.  But on top of the fact that it means something socially.  It means something legally.  And those what if's and tax issues above, those are things that plague SP and I on a regular basis.  And that sort of thing...legalese and hoop jumping...that shouldn't color your marriage.  Because let's be honest, marriage is plenty hard on its own. 

Today many people are wearing red or changing their facebook photos to the red human rights equal sign to show their support for marriage equality in this country.  The solidarity has been surprisingly touching.  I truly hope that future generations will walk through this world with very different lenses - ones that aren't shaded by sexual orientation and gender norms, and discrimination.  And I am reminded that I'm lucky to be alive in history and to stand on what I believe to be the right side of history.   

Remember when separate wasn't equal before?  Just sayin. 

Fingers Crossed.