Goodbye Hello - On Being In It in 2016

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Oh 2015...you were quite the epic year.

January 
I celebrated my 29th birthday (oh yes...that does in fact mean the big 3-0 is coming rapidly) and we prepped for Baby Girl.  And that's about all we did.

February

Baby Girl is BORN!  We find out she is in fact baby girl. We find out SP is a BEAST of a woman. My dream baby has finally made her way to me. I basically cry all the time.

March

No blogging in March.  Probably because I've never been so tired in my entire life. The first month of baby girl's life is a DOOZY. SP and I fight our way through it...but it is HARD!

April

We are finally starting to get our footing.  I take a few minutes and tell the story of the day I was reborn as a Mother. I also take some time to write my first love letter to baby girl.  We also talked AGAIN about how #lovecan'twait

May

Another lost month. Probably because SP goes back to work this month.  I spend a week off with my girl and then we transition her into day care. SP and I are still exhausted and still trying to figure out what in the world we're doing.

June

I talk about how we took baby girl to my parent's house when she was 6 weeks old (yay flying with a newborn!) And we also dressed baby girl up for the first time! Also MARRIAGE EQUALITY PASSES in the US!

July

Not so much with the writing still.  However I recap how in June we took baby girl across the country to celebrate the life of my grandmother. We talk about how baby girl started solids at just 4 months old. In June, we also celebrated one Best Friend's big 3-0. And another Best Friend comes from across the country to visit :)

August

I talk about how having a baby has sucked away all of my time and I no longer have any hobbies or any free time (what even is that?!) We also go to the Pear Fair which is basically the cutest thing ever!

September

Another letter to baby girl and basically that's all I can manage this month! We're fresh off a week with the grandparents though which was super nice!

October

Another lost month in terms of blogging. It was baby girl's first Halloween :) And Apple Orchard time! Yum! Sadly we lost SP's grandparents at the end of this month and Baby Girl went on her first looonnnggg roadtrip to Utah to say goodbye to her namesake and meet many many of her relatives.

November

Pictures from October! Including the Dread Pirate herself! And my parents come to visit again!  And we take Grandma to the Apple Orchards again!

December

In December I straight up lose my mind and decide to blog every day until Christmas. I write about everything from Thanksgiving to starting bootcamp to how much I love my SP!  I also wrote about our beautiful tree Harriet and our crazy dogo and another letter to baby girl.  I talked about how sometimes things are just stinkin hard. One of my most favorite blogmas blogs however was about being a non-belly mama and how treasured and real that role is. Another important one was about how we must help our suffering brothers and sisters fleeing in the middle east (you can still help!!!) And then it was Christmas! And what a beautiful day it was indeed! If nothing else it pushed me out of my writing rut!  

 

And here we are now - 2015 was an epic year. It was my mama-birth year as my beautiful girl barreled into this world and changed everything. And our hearts grew more than 3 sizes the day she came to us and they've been growing ever since - as has she. Learning to be a mama and how to love and care and grow with this little monster baby has consumed us completely. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

So 2016 - what are we going to do with you? That is the question. Sure I have a list of resolutions I could come up with. Many related to being healthy or changing my body. (The healthy has become even more important to me, I have to say, in hopes of being around as long as humanly possible for this little one who has stolen my heart.) I'm sure I could come up with plenty of goals about finances and cleanliness and organization. And in reality, many of those lists/details are floating around in my mind - things I'm sure I will think about as we progress through another trip around the sun.

 

But overall I want only one thing this coming year - one big hope for myself:

To be Present. 

 

I just want to not miss it, you know? This precious time I have on this planet. These sacred moments as I watch my girl grow and the time I get to spend with the love of my life. I want to see it all and know it all and be in it all. I want to stop getting stuck in the crappy little details of each day and I want nothing to do with the busy trap that keeps taking hold. I want to spend all the time I'm wasting worrying about stupid, insignificant things on much more important things like trips to the park, and baby smiles, and hugs from my wife. Because I'm pretty sure at the end of the day, at the end of my life - those are the things I'm going to remember. And if this past year is any indication of how sweepingly quickly the time really does go - then I've got to dig my heels in and do everything in my power to slow it down and not blink and not miss any perfect moment. Don't get me wrong - I know there will be bad days, or bad moments - but I just don't want to miss any of it. I don't want to be lost in my own panicked mind when I could be right here - living it all!

 

So here we are - 2016, you have some mighty shoes to fill!

 

And to you, my friends, out there in the interwebs and the world - I wish you love and light and hope! Happy New Year and Happy New You!

 

Be Brave! 

 

I Love You!

-Sarah

The Parenting Time Suck

Oh my god you guys (gals, peoples...)

This parenting thing is hard and it's sucking all of the blogging life right out of me and I've become one of those dreaded once a monthers - ugh.

That being said, we've hit such a sweet spot with baby girl these days. She's solid and hilarious and much more a baby and much less a blob that we cart around with us. She loves the exersaucer, she loves laughing at the dog, she loves pulling hair and most of all she loves to EAT!  She's been on rice cereal since about 4 months and is going strong. We haven't given her anything else because we are the laziest parents in the world and we just haven't gotten around to it. Except for that one time we fed her guacamole and she wasn't opposed - I know I'm sure it was a major no no because it had all these flavors and citrus and stuff - whatever judge me. You know what I fed her smushed up pear from pear pie too so there's that.

In other news she cut two teeth on the bottom. Luckily she appears not to be the super whiny type. We had one really off day (no sleeping, no eating, lots of fussy) and then it was over. Did I just jinx the hell out of myself or what?!

Most of the time she's so damn cute I can't even stand it. Except, tell me experienced parents, is this kid EVER going to grow some hair. For awhile we were calling her baby trump because she had this awesome flop over thing going on. Now we can't speak that name so mostly I just call her tooty pants - but that has more to do with the other end of her. 

Its pretty run of the mill over here, most days we get up, love on her, get ready for work send her to day care, pick her up, get home, love on her, feed her for the 99 millionth time and then she goes to bed. And then SP and I collapse onto the couch and don't get up until we go to bed. Sometimes I sleep on the couch then wake up and go to bed. I don't think anybody explained how much of a time suck these tiny creatures are...I volunteered for this right? RIGHT?! ;)

But really people, how do you have any hobbies once you have kids please explain this to me. I've finally resurrected book club and reading for fun.  I FINALLY finished one fun book - I've probably been reading it for 10 months now... And at least I "see" my friends at book club every couple of weeks.  But other than that man...not much. And we've seriously become those parents who weigh whether an activity is really worth disrupting bed time for. Like go out to eat and push bed time back and risk baby implosion or maybe just get take out and stay home and put the baby down and collapse on the couch. Sadly (or happily?!) it is often the latter...

We did manage a trip to the "Pear fair" which was this teensy tiny festival all about pears. And it was the most awesome 1 block parade I've ever seen. We at ALL the pear things (pear and proscuitto pizza, pear salsa, pear sausage, pear pie, pear ice cream...), looked at the biggest pear (2.12lbs in case you are wondering) and generally soaked in the small town charm. And then we all went home and fell asleep. (seriously though we did)

 

The grandparents are coming to visit at the end of August so that should be fun stuff and we've fit in a few friends here and there so I suppose we can be proud of that. We've also lost our minds and decided to try to do some updates on our house - because why wouldn't you want to rip your floors out when you have a 6 month old?! 

We're all riding the crazy train over here my friends!

Over and Out

Conductor Sarah

A Big Ol' Slice of Life

I have so many things to catch up on that I'm going to revert to one of those dreaded bullet point blogs in hopes of getting myself caught up so that I can start doing the real deal in depth important (HA) blogs again soon (for my crappy memory's sake if nothing else)

So now in essentially no order here's what's been going on around here...

- Baby girl turned 4 months old and had her 4 month old check up appointment. She is in the 98th percentile for height and the 61st percentile for weight (although I don't know how that's possible because she's got some serious thigh rolls going). She's also in the 98th percentile for head size... big noggin big brains?!  We hope so!  The doc says its nothing to worry about at the moment - usually it's familial (yeah we're talking about you SP!)

- We already marked one thing off our summer bucket list (the list I made but haven't had a chance to post yet...coming soon even if we are a third of the way through the summer already) and took Baby girl swimming at the lake. It was amazing. I miss being by the ocean desperately (10 years later and I still actively miss it all the time) so SP took me to the next closest body of water - a lake -  and it was AMAZING.  It was super warm, because in case you hadn't noticed we're having some kind of crazy drought here in California.

- We also got baby girl in her first pool...she wasn't a huge fan, but it got better with time (might have been a touch too cold...sorry baby girl!)

- SP and I braved 5hr flights with Baby Girl to go to New York and celebrate my grandmother's life. She passed away this past winter but we waited until her birthday in June to celebrate the feisty and amazing spirit she was. It was a wonderful trip and I'm so glad to have been able to spend the time and have Baby Girl meet some of the extended family.  It was sad to say goodbye but it was amazing to see the legacy my grandmother created and the colorful life she lead.

- We got the go ahead to get baby girl started on rice cereal. She is a really really good eater and was definitely a fan of the food (although she couldn't seem to get enough in fast enough for her taste) We haven't had a chance to make it consistent at this point (with the traveling and what not) our plan is to get moving onto other food soon as well. 4.5 months seems early to me but the doc quickly pointed out that she's still getting most of her nutrition from milk, this is just to get her used to eating. And apparently there is some evidence showing that earlier "eating" develops better eating habits (which we are all for!)

 - In other eating news, I've been toying with the idea of going vegan at home. And am slowly moving us that direction. What exactly does that mean you ask...well basically you eat vegan when you eat at home but may choose to eat animal products when eating at others homes or eating out. It's mostly for health and environmental reasons. Its getting harder and harder to deny that eating less animal products seems to be better for your health. So I'll keep you posted about our vegan eating at home...

- At the beginning of June I celebrated my 2 year anniversary at my current job. I still truly love it.  I love my students. I adore the people I work with. Its flexible, fulfilling but also not so much that I feel like I'm drowning. Its still a surprise that one can feel this good at work...

- We also celebrated one of my closest friend's 30th birthdays. We've known each other almost 20 years and it was pretty incredible to celebrate having spent those decades together. We've seen each other through graduations, losing family, losing girlfriends, getting married, having babies - 2 decades of life witnessed together. How lucky am I?

- And to round  out the friend love - one of my other best friends came into town to visit. Baby girl got to meet one of her beautiful Aunties. Another fabulous woman who has witnessed a good 2 decades of my life. The problem however is that it made me miss her even more. Thank goodness for skype and email and airplanes.

- Oh right, and of course, marriage equality passed in the US. But I am still having a hard time celebrating when there is an absolute civil rights crisis occurring for our black brothers and sisters. More to come on this, much much more.

So that's the haps my people. I hope all is well in your corners of the world.  "See" you soon!

Besos,

Sarah

Just Call Me Mrs. Slacker!

Dudes & Dudettes

I recognize that there has been epic suck-age on the blogging front. This life thing is keeping me very very busy.

So here's some of the happenings over the last month:

• I celebrated my 29th birthday.  Yes my real 29th birthday.  Not my 29th birthday again or something like that. 29 feels pretty good so far - but I'll keep you posted. I have been seeing some white/gray hairs popping up which I am not too happy about but dems da breaks I guess. Plus new baby on the way is bound to = much more gray!

• We went to birthing class.  That was an experience. Let me tell you what. People who are 37 weeks pregnant are not meant to be in class all day long - even if you are moving around a lot and taking lots of breaks. It was particularly funny because many of the exercises I knew immediately would be on the "no way jose" list for SP. Foot rubs - major no. Stroking your partner's neck - definitely no no. But the teacher was great and encouraging and empowering. So we'll see if any of it sticks when laboring is actually happening...

• We refinanced the house. Oh yes, that's right we haven't even been in the house for a year and we refinanced.  But it was for all good reasons (no cost, good interest rate etc etc).  However it did require me to dig out a LOT of paperwork again. And sign a lot of things. But its done - so yay?

• We went to this awesome dinner movie theater (SMG ) with some good friends.  Enjoyed some beers (for the non pregnant ones), some ice cream, some snacks! Oh yeah...and saw a movie ;) Loved it!

• SP hit and passed the 39 week mark.  At the last doc appointment nothing was moving and SP was more than a little disappointed - but now is the hurry up and wait time. She is, luckily, off work now so there's a lot more waddling around the block and napping happening before this kiddo makes his/her debut. Due date is 2/4 so hopefully my next post will be full of newborn-ness!

And that's about all I have time for amongst my panicked nesting! Send spontaneous healthy labor thoughts our way!

XOXO

Sarah

A Year of Being Brave (2014 in Review)

Light Up the Dark! 2014 Christmas Eve Candles

I don't think anybody is as shocked as I am that 2014 is over.  Seriously 2014 is one of my more blurry years (because I'm older?!) There were some pretty monumental events packed into these 12 short months though let me tell you what.  Before I get to the regularly scheduled 2014 recap I want to touch on the year of Being Brave.

Focusing on one thing in 2014, Being Brave, was surprisingly challenging.  Its easy to make lists of resolutions and even easier to let them fall by the wayside - but focusing on one goal and trying to apply that attribute to all aspects of my life, I personally found extremely challenging. And very changing - in a good way! If nothing else, it made me more present to my world and very importantly, my reactions and connections to people and situations. Holding back out of fear can be a survival tactic - but it can also be a crutch, one I know I was relying on too much. Learning to dive in and take some risks at my (relatively) young age has been one of the more important life lessons I've learned so far. Focusing on Being Brave has opened up room for development in other areas as well - because I understand how utterly terrifying it can be to Be Brave I think I've become more empathetic, more patient, more understanding. 

Focusing on Being Brave really grounded me back in myself. I used to be known as as the "nice one" (I even won an award for being most smiley once) I was always ready to jump in and help and (I would like to think) I was a good listener and a generally kind person. I got burned a few times which caused this introvert to put up some really huge walls and it also turned me into a more selfish, cynical, and hardened version of myself. A version I really wasn't digging. Being brave pulled me out of a lot of that (still a work in progress) It reminded me to be courageous enough to be more vulnerable. This blog has provided me a platform to really test my bravery and vulnerability - putting it allllll out there in the interwebs for everybody to see and judge. For that, and the soul bolstering it has provided, I will be forever grateful.

So this coming year I've decided, in honor of Being Brave, to pick one thing to focus on. (Obviously I plan to still work on Being Brave because I'm pretty sure that's the work of a lifetime...) All of the empathy that blurbled up to the surface from this braveness led me to really consider what impact I'm having on those around me. And I asked myself a few hard questions - Am I actively contributing to making others' lives better? Am I becoming trapped in the scarcity complex (there isn't enough for everybody mindset)? Would I want to be friends with me? Am I leaving things better than when I arrived? You get the idea.

And after some soul searching I realized that 2015 is the year I need to focus on Being Generous. Generosity is such an all encompassing idea and can really be applied everywhere. I think I need to focus on Generosity towards myself as much as I need to focus on Generosity of spirit, time, talents etc. Before I was afraid I had nothing of worth to give. But Being Brave has shown me that's 100% not true. I have a lot to offer myself and those around me and my little corner of the world. And holding it back out of fear or laziness is no way to live.

I think Generous people are kind, they are strong. They understand when to give and when to hold back - because they are gentle with themselves as well. This is a sometimes crushing world we live in, and a little bit more giving of ourselves can only make things better. And disciplining myself to think generously will only make me better - me first is not the person I want to be and its definitely not the type of parent I want to be or the type of child I want to raise. (Raising a child...eek...I'm going to need all of that learned Bravery!)

So there's that my friends. Let's be Generous in 2015! 

And now in technicolor - THE 2014 RECAP!

January

I wrote about the blog craft exchange and my fantastic friend Amanda from Little Monsters and Mommies who gave me the perfect Christmas ornaments full of baby JuJu (THEY WORKED! And they are on the tree this year Amanda don't you worry!  And they will be every year!) I also wrote about how being Gay and Catholic don't mix and how I desperately miss the spiritual home I once had (more to come on this topic in 2015)

February

I wrote about how surrendering is one of the Bravest things you can do! I visited my soul sister in Denver. And I wrote you all a LOVE letter!  (The vulnerability was in full tilt this month!)

March

 We bought a house! And nobody was pregnant :( It was a bit of a rough time.

April

The lost month. Moving and prepping for baby making...again.

May

I talk about getting out of the rat race and enjoying your best life. I said a few more words about our home, our castle! I also wrote a post for all the childless mothers out there (little did I know that our dippitydot would be conceived THE NEXT DAY!) This is still one of my favorite posts of all time.

June

I talked about marrying a(n) (ex)Mormon and started a summer bucket list! My first summer of freedom and we lived it up!

July

In July I wrote some dribble drabble posts about my summer bucket list while trying to keep my mouth shut until we could announce THE BEST NEWS! And then you all made me cry! And my heart just nearly exploded! And I got to catch you all up a bit :)

August

We went camping! And I told you some more about dippitydot! SP spent most of this month really really nauseated. Yay Sea bands!

September

My SBL goes kaput while SP tries to bake our bun. Wonderful Wednesday starts (Thanks Amanda!) Imake jam and talk about some really great friends!

October

Big time scare, big time gratitude! We survive a scary dippitydot growing moment. SP reaches 25 weeks (more than halfway!) and we get to have some good fun!

November

I recap our really really fun Babymoon in Seattle.  Will we ever be alone again?! And I count my blessingsbecause really...could I be anymore lucky?!

December

We start the month with a BABYSHOWER! Eek! It is filled with love and light and strong, beautiful women. (maybe we can do this?!) I tell you how crazy I am and then we have 2 more babyshower (geeze this little one is SO loved!) Some thoughts on Advent and the countdown to Dippitydot begins!

Aaaannnndddd we're full circle! It's been a life changing year my friends. SP predicted 2014 would be our year and I'd say she was right. The thing is...I'm pretty sure 2015 will be our year too!

Here's to making 2015 the most beautiful and Generous year yet!

Be Brave! Be Generous!

Last Christmas Eve snuggles just the 2 of us!

72 hours of Denver Love

Back in January, as a little birthday treat (oh yeah…I turned 28 by the way…I don’t think I want to talk about it…)  I flew out to Denver to spend a long weekend with my sister from another mister.  And to feed my soul…and my belly.

I flew from a balmy nor cal to a not quite polar vortex Denver bright and early on a Friday morning.  Mi amiga major picked me up from the airport and we hit the ground running.

We started with a lovely trip to downtown and a walk around the art museum – as they were having a Parisian art exhibition and we know how I feel about Paris.  Although I have to say “The Holy Toaster” may have stolen the show for me.  I mean really, how many kinds of awesome is this?!  And then my friend proceeded to walk me all over downtown.  Literally the whole thing.  I didn’t know I could sweat so much in freezing weather but I definitely did.  Denver is beautiful.  Shiny, cold, bright and pretty hipsterish.  Not the crazy hustle and bustle of say NYC but enough bustle to make you feel like you’re in a city – a city surrounded by some amazing mountain views.  After a trip to a brewery and a jaunt into the Brown Palace Hotel to see the Christmas decorations we went home and I collapsed into sleep.

 Some crazy Art!

My Fav - The Holy Toaster!

Beautiful Downtown Denver

Brewery Tour - yum!

The next day we braved the mountains (as far as we could manage without actually having to drive in snow of course, because lets face it, we’re both from California and we don’t do that nonsense…)  We did however see some adorable mountain towns, hit another brewery, ate some amazing candy and watched people race cars on a frozen lake.  Oh yes, you read that right.  Some crazy people were driving vehicles (at fast speeds) on frozen water.  I was scared enough to walk out onto a frozen lake let alone be on a frozen lake in a giant vehicle.  Oh did I mention that it was also insanely windy.  Like one of the cars BLEW over while it was racing.  It was definitely another adventure.  We ended the night at Red Rocks for some amazing views!

Friends in front of a frozen waterfall

Another brewery, another yum!

So much mountain cuteness

 "Chillin" on the frozen lake!

Crazy ice racers!

I kept looking for Simba!

Beautiful Red Rocks!

Sunday, my final day, was spent eating a delicious birthday breakfast, checking out some of the art district, and lying in bed talking and talking and laughing uncontrollably.  These are the moments that remind you that you’re home.  Even when a little piece of your heart lives far away.  This particular friend and I have known each other since the 3^rd grade and have been truly soul-ly connected since middle school – so we’re going on 20years of friendship – most of our lives.  Which is incredible if you ask me.  And it is also the most amazing feeling of being known.  Of being loved.  Of being perfectly me. 

Birthday breakfast doughnut holes!

So Thank You Denver for a perfectly lovely weekend.  And Thank You Diane, for 20ish years of true love and true friendship. I’m blessed beyond measure to know you and to have you walking beside me (sometimes in body and sometimes in spirit) all the time!

My beautiful frozen friend!

And that’s a happy birthday if you ask me!