Blogmas 2017 - Vol. 17

From Non-Belly to Belly Mama

It's so appropriate that 2 years ago I was writing about being a non-belly mama to my daughter...

https://blooblogg.blogspot.com/2015/12/blogmas-vol17.html

My dream of becoming a belly mama has come true.  So now SP and I have been on both sides and what an amazing journey it's been. In some ways nothing has changed, in others everything has changed in the most amazing ways.

I'm still a non belly mama and I'm a belly mama.  

Mostly I'm just a mama.

Some people say they feel a difference with their biological kid.  I honestly don't.  I think maybe if somebody told me that I had some sort of amnesia and had actually carried my daughter as well I might believe them.  Nature and nurture are so weird.  Because sometimes my daughter is a carbon copy of my wife.  And sometimes I swear she somehow inherited my DNA through osmosis or something.  

But through it all I'm still over here wiping noses and butts.  I'm still over here kissing boo boo's and fixing broken toys.  I'm still making food they won't eat and doing laundry in an endless loop (it NEVER ends).  I'm still giving a million hugs and singing the same songs over and over and over. I'm still laughing at their crazy antics and melting at their sweetness. 

I think I always thought I would give birth to all of my children. And I really did.  One came from my belly and one came straight from my heart. 

Clearly the universe has unfolded exactly as it was meant to...

Blogmas Vol. 24

What a difference a year makes!

This time last year my family was up north and we were sitting around in our little house, celebrating Christmas and waiting for a long anticipated child.  She, like a little child many years ago, was much anticipated and waited for.  And who we knew would change our world.

And has she ever!

We may be a little more ragged and a little more worse for the wear some days - but Baby Girl has wrapped us up in her. She is joy and wonder and light and we truly are forever changed.

So tonight, while I write, from the comfort of a warm bed, I think of another mother - my homegirl Mary. She is the constant from all of my catholic upbringing. She is the Auntie I pray to when I can't sleep. And now she is the model of true hero - scared and vulnerable and given wholly unto a child. And somehow, I understand a little more what that means. To give yourself over to someone so small. To stand vulnerably in front of this person, this spirit you are supposed to mold and guide - who all along, you suspect is likely molding and guiding you more than you are her. 

I can't imagine what it must have been like for mother Mary back then - talk about pressure! Because in relative comfort and safety I feel the pressure of bringing up this child in front of me in this big scary world we live in now.  I worry about this world I've brought her into. How I can teach her to be kind and loving. How she, in her own small ways, can change this world we live in for the better. How I can help her to see, she too, can be the light.

And when it all seems like too much - this great responsibility - I hum the lyrics to my favorite Christmas song "Breath of Heaven" and think of Warrior Mary out there in the darkness - bringing us great light!


Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser one one should have had my place
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan

 

Merry Christmas Eve my friends - especially to my fellow Warrior Mamas out there, who come in every shape and size and situation - you bring the light!

Blogmas Vol.17

On Being the Non-Belly Mama

The funny thing is people have a lot of questions about being the non gestational parent and about not being biologically related to your kid.  I guess I find it funny because to me it is not even close to anything important regarding being a parent.

I mean 1/2 of every couple is a non gestational parent - and nobody asks them if they are ok with it. (and yes I'm being very heteronormative in this statement). But it is one of the most common topics around being a non-belly mama.  So let me set a few things straight:

1) There is no question in my mind that I am Baby Girl's mother. SP and I planned and saved and worked to bring her here. I made almost all of the appointments and did a lot of the money related items. I went to EVERY single appointment. And after baby was born I took her to some of her appointments on my own.

2) It doesn't bother me when people say our daughter looks like SP. Why shouldn't she? I think my wife is beautiful (obviously!) why wouldn't I want my daughter to look like her? Does it get obnoxious when that is the ONLY thing people can point out - honestly yes. Because it's like what are you trying to prove? We know she's biologically related to SP. And just for the record, when I'm alone with Baby Girl, people swear up and down she looks like me. The mind is an amazing fake out artist.

3) I am not lacking. There is nothing SP can give her that I can't. I could have induced lactation if I wanted to (I chose not to) but even so, there are plenty of babies that are fed with formula and they are just fine. And I'm pretty sure that's the least important part of parenting - as long as they are healthy and fed, the rest of it is what matters. She doesn't ever need her "real" mother over me.

4) I am her REAL mother. Don't ever suggest or say anything otherwise. Because it is untrue. I am here. Day in and day out wiping butts and noses and doing laundry. I love her and teach her and feed her. I play with her and dress her and care for her. If that's not a real mother, I don't know what is. She takes up every space in my heart (except for a few small spaces reserved for SP and the rest of my family...and crazy Kori)

5) It actually doesn't bother me if you ask who carried her. How you react matters though. If you ask in a kind and interested way so that you can learn more - good for you. If you ask because you need to know who her "real" mother is - we're going to have words.

6) Yes, I am bonded to my daughter. I bonded with her possibly faster than my wife. I don't want to speak for my lovely wifey but when baby girl was born, SP was pretty roughed up. I on the other hand, while exhausted, was able to focus solely on our new little soul. And I had been talking to her and waiting for her and dreaming of her. I was there to cut the cord, and hold her hand while she got weighed, and cleaned and got shots. The moment I saw her, it was all over. My heart was outside my body forever.

7) Yes, I would like to be a belly mama one day. I want to have that experience myself. But here's the caveat - if for some reason, it doesn't work out and we can only have babies carried by SP or carried by another mama - I will STILL be a REAL mother. Because however my babies get to me, whatever paths they take, they are MY babies!

So there you go, that's my experience thus far being a mother. I'm sure my experience will adjust and change with time. But either way - this is my girl, my dream baby!

Merry Blogmas!

Sick Day Selfie

Blogmas Vol. 11

Dear Baby Girl - Vol. 3

Dear Baby Girl,

Today you are 10months old. 10months ago at 10:27am, after 38hours of hard labor you made your glorious entrance into our lives. And every moment since then has been nothing short of a roller coaster - an amazing one!

Every month has been my favorite. This past month you've been clapping and saying uh-oh all over the place. You smile like a fool...but only when you feel like it. You are most definitely afraid of all adults these days, but you can warm up if given the chance. Little people however seem to be a-ok with you.

You are still a really great baby! You rarely cry and fuss. You still sleep pretty well, although we're going through some sort of fun sleep regression right now where you wake your mom up at about 3am every day - FUN!

You love to eat eat eat!  You have 4 teeth - 2 on the top and 2 on the bottom.  I'm pretty sure one of your top canine teeth. You've sort of learned how to bite with them, but not quite. You are really good at mushing things around with those gums though. You still cry if we don't share food. And if our food looks better than yours - you won't eat yours. Your favorites right now seem to be just about anything. Seriously you eat it all.  You do love cheerios and puffs though. And while you like to feed yourself and want to eat regular food - your not so great at the self regulation (ie you will put 17million cheerios in your mouth at once if given the opportunity) so we have dole things out carefully.  

You are also a crawling, knee standing/knee walking, pulling yourself up fool.  You can't quite get both of your feet up under you yet but you're working really hard on it. And you can definitely reach A LOT from your knees.  You love to chew on the coaster on my night stand. And pull anything off of any horizontal surface possible! Such fun!

You love socks...yeah we don't know. And you love to touch everything you know you shouldn't (light sockets, dog bones etc) Mostly you just like to touch!  You also love the noisest toys possible - again - Such fun!

You are a constant delight. When I pick you up from daycare you and you rush to see me and clap your hands my heart melts into a million pieces. When I tuck you in at night and you make your funny little grunty sounds again...the melting. I hate to watch you cry (except when it's  a little bit funny lets be honest)

I can't wait to see what the next few months bring. I can't believe that in just 2 more months you will have been on this planet (on the outside) for an entire year! But I can't even go THERE yet!

We love you babygirl. More than life it self. More than anything and everything compared. You have brought the greatest lessons and challenges into our lives. And most importantly the greatest joys!

Love,
Mama  

Our favorite "walker"

Baby's first pizza crust!

 

Dear Internets: A Catch-up!

Dear Internets,

I'm so sorry I've been willfully neglecting you as of late. As it turns out all I want to do is smush my baby cheeks. And some times (insanely) think about having another baby's cheeks to smush.

But not to worry my internet friends.  I have been dutifully stalking you and your smushy babies as well. And I love every minute of it.  And every time I read another cutie baby blog (or just great life blog) I think to myself - I should write too!  I have thoughts!  I have things to say!

And then instead - I smush baby cheeks instead!  And you know what, sorrynotsorry!

Life is so full these days.  It is exhaustingly beautiful.  It is too much and not enough all at the same time.  I don't even know how to catch up so I'm just going to write a few things, throw in some pictures and try to get going again on here.  Because really I miss the record of our lives. And I miss the outlet.  It is one of my few creative places. And one of the only adult things I have left to hang on to these days!

September and October went away with the blink of an eye.  We took baby girl up to the Apple orchards twice and it was awesome.  Apple fritters and tchotchkes galore.  She's such a good baby, I can't even talk about it.

We had no intention of dressing her up for Halloween (because really, she was 8 months old and goes to bed at 6:30pm...I know...shut up) but we caved at the end and she was the most fearsome pirate you ever did see.  We also dragged her out to the pumpkin patch which was hilarious and fun. And then we decorated those pumpkins and let baby girl smush all that goo around (how bad is it if your kid eats raw pumpkin?!) and it was glorious. SP and I watched Hocus Pocus and passed out candy until we actually ran out (2 costco bags!) 

We spontaneously decided to take SP's birthday off of work early November.  We had a nice lunch out together just the two of us.  Unfortunately both of SP's grandparents passed away the weekend prior to her birthday so it was a bit of a somber day but it was good to have some time at home and some time together.  The next weekend was a double funeral for the couple. So we packed up the car and drove to utah with our 9mo old in tow.  It was an incredibly touching and heartbreaking service.  They were salt of the earth people who demonstrated unconditional love in a special way. They loved me from the start - which you can imagine was a challenge their coming from a mormon background and my being a lesbian and all... But it was nothing but love from them from the start. And for that, for giving me my wife, and for giving our baby her middle name I will always be grateful.

And on Monday after that excursion my parents came in to town!  I have to say it was a perfectly timed (albeit busy) distraction.  They've loved up on their grandbaby.  My brother spontaneously joined us as well so it was a full house of hugs and mall walking and taking the baby to the park for the first time!

And we also took mom back to the Apple Orchards! (3rd time for Baby Girl in less than a year!)

And speaking of baby girl - She is 9 months old as of 11/11!  She's growing like a weed. And I'm not going to lie she's the sweetest thing there ever was. She's smiley and squishy and crawl/scooting all over the place. She's also doing this stand on her knees thing all the time and trying to pull herself up thing. She wants to touch everything. And loves to EAT. Unfortunately her moms are real scared about giving her big chunks of food (choking is like a REAL fear for me!) But slowly but surely she is working her way through everything. And most definitely would prefer to eat what we eat and not baby food. (in fact she cries until we let her try it typically...) This morning she sat under my chair and stared at me while I ate breakfast...It's cute when it's not creeping me out!

SP and I are doing well.  Although I'm not going to lie...we are tired. And I don't know about her but I know I miss having adult time...My January birthday vacation can't come soon enough!  But we are a good team - taking turns with the kiddo and the crazy fur baby (who seriously has not slowed down at all...ugh) The tired makes it hard to do other things, but we still make time for each other whenever we can fit in a moment!

So that's that for now.  Hope you are all well my friends, I miss you!

XOXO
Sarah

 

Dear Baby Girl - Vol. 2

Dear Baby Girl,

It's been awhile since I wrote to you - sorry about that.  It turns out that you take up A LOT of my time.  And yet there is never enough.  There is never enough time to snuggle you, or play with you or hold you.  I don't even mind changing your diapers all the time because it's another few mins we get to hang out.  And you always laugh as you wiggle around and try to eat your feet.

You're almost 7 months now sweet heart and I can't believe it.  You are one big baby girl - 17lbs 5oz at your last check up and your'e in the 98th percentile for height - you are going to be one tall chica! You're eating up a storm these days. Although every time we introduce a new food you definitely think we're trying to poison you. I know mashed peas taste like crap baby but apparently this is the kind of stuff we're supposed to expose you to. The faces you make when you try something new are the absolute best, most hysterical things I've ever seen. I especially like when you pretend like you're gagging. You've decided some food isn't poisonous though - sweet potatoes and carrots seem to be on the acceptable list.  Banana is borderline.  Peas are definitely a no-go.  You'd really prefer to feed yourself and I think you don't like mashed foods so we are toying with the idea of "baby led-weaning." Mama however is really terrified of you choking...so we'll see how that progresses. 

You've also most definitely found your voice these days.  Mom calls you a baby pterodactyl. I love to hear your babbling and shrieking,  You only say mamamama when you are mad so I'm not so sure we can count it as your first word.  Sometimes you scream so loud that the poor dog cowers or cries.  When you wake up in the morning or after a nap you just babble away until someone comes to get you.  Most of the time you are a very low key baby (things you should never type out 101).  You play by yourself, you let us snuggle you up, and you are smiling like a big old cheese ball these days.

Lucky for you Grandma and Grandpa came to visit for a week recently.  Youre Uncle also came to play with you.  You were the center of attention for 1 whole week and you ate it up.  You loved reading books with grandpa and cheesin at grandma.  And you love to pull uncle's hair and grab his nose and feel his beard.  And they all seem pretty smitten with you too.  Although grandma and grandpa keep telling us how lucky we are that you're so good natured...I don't know, I think we can take some credit for that can't we?! ;)

I love you so much baby girl, I can't even believe it.  How can my heart possibly take any more? Every day is a new and beautiful discovery for you.  The smallest things are funny or interesting to you - thank you for giving us that window into this wondrous world we live in.  Your mom and I, we just can't believe we are lucky enough that you chose us to be your parents.  Thanks for making us an even more beautiful family!

Love,
Mama

Grandpa and Grandma and Baby Bean!

The Parenting Time Suck

Oh my god you guys (gals, peoples...)

This parenting thing is hard and it's sucking all of the blogging life right out of me and I've become one of those dreaded once a monthers - ugh.

That being said, we've hit such a sweet spot with baby girl these days. She's solid and hilarious and much more a baby and much less a blob that we cart around with us. She loves the exersaucer, she loves laughing at the dog, she loves pulling hair and most of all she loves to EAT!  She's been on rice cereal since about 4 months and is going strong. We haven't given her anything else because we are the laziest parents in the world and we just haven't gotten around to it. Except for that one time we fed her guacamole and she wasn't opposed - I know I'm sure it was a major no no because it had all these flavors and citrus and stuff - whatever judge me. You know what I fed her smushed up pear from pear pie too so there's that.

In other news she cut two teeth on the bottom. Luckily she appears not to be the super whiny type. We had one really off day (no sleeping, no eating, lots of fussy) and then it was over. Did I just jinx the hell out of myself or what?!

Most of the time she's so damn cute I can't even stand it. Except, tell me experienced parents, is this kid EVER going to grow some hair. For awhile we were calling her baby trump because she had this awesome flop over thing going on. Now we can't speak that name so mostly I just call her tooty pants - but that has more to do with the other end of her. 

Its pretty run of the mill over here, most days we get up, love on her, get ready for work send her to day care, pick her up, get home, love on her, feed her for the 99 millionth time and then she goes to bed. And then SP and I collapse onto the couch and don't get up until we go to bed. Sometimes I sleep on the couch then wake up and go to bed. I don't think anybody explained how much of a time suck these tiny creatures are...I volunteered for this right? RIGHT?! ;)

But really people, how do you have any hobbies once you have kids please explain this to me. I've finally resurrected book club and reading for fun.  I FINALLY finished one fun book - I've probably been reading it for 10 months now... And at least I "see" my friends at book club every couple of weeks.  But other than that man...not much. And we've seriously become those parents who weigh whether an activity is really worth disrupting bed time for. Like go out to eat and push bed time back and risk baby implosion or maybe just get take out and stay home and put the baby down and collapse on the couch. Sadly (or happily?!) it is often the latter...

We did manage a trip to the "Pear fair" which was this teensy tiny festival all about pears. And it was the most awesome 1 block parade I've ever seen. We at ALL the pear things (pear and proscuitto pizza, pear salsa, pear sausage, pear pie, pear ice cream...), looked at the biggest pear (2.12lbs in case you are wondering) and generally soaked in the small town charm. And then we all went home and fell asleep. (seriously though we did)

 

The grandparents are coming to visit at the end of August so that should be fun stuff and we've fit in a few friends here and there so I suppose we can be proud of that. We've also lost our minds and decided to try to do some updates on our house - because why wouldn't you want to rip your floors out when you have a 6 month old?! 

We're all riding the crazy train over here my friends!

Over and Out

Conductor Sarah

A Big Ol' Slice of Life

I have so many things to catch up on that I'm going to revert to one of those dreaded bullet point blogs in hopes of getting myself caught up so that I can start doing the real deal in depth important (HA) blogs again soon (for my crappy memory's sake if nothing else)

So now in essentially no order here's what's been going on around here...

- Baby girl turned 4 months old and had her 4 month old check up appointment. She is in the 98th percentile for height and the 61st percentile for weight (although I don't know how that's possible because she's got some serious thigh rolls going). She's also in the 98th percentile for head size... big noggin big brains?!  We hope so!  The doc says its nothing to worry about at the moment - usually it's familial (yeah we're talking about you SP!)

- We already marked one thing off our summer bucket list (the list I made but haven't had a chance to post yet...coming soon even if we are a third of the way through the summer already) and took Baby girl swimming at the lake. It was amazing. I miss being by the ocean desperately (10 years later and I still actively miss it all the time) so SP took me to the next closest body of water - a lake -  and it was AMAZING.  It was super warm, because in case you hadn't noticed we're having some kind of crazy drought here in California.

- We also got baby girl in her first pool...she wasn't a huge fan, but it got better with time (might have been a touch too cold...sorry baby girl!)

- SP and I braved 5hr flights with Baby Girl to go to New York and celebrate my grandmother's life. She passed away this past winter but we waited until her birthday in June to celebrate the feisty and amazing spirit she was. It was a wonderful trip and I'm so glad to have been able to spend the time and have Baby Girl meet some of the extended family.  It was sad to say goodbye but it was amazing to see the legacy my grandmother created and the colorful life she lead.

- We got the go ahead to get baby girl started on rice cereal. She is a really really good eater and was definitely a fan of the food (although she couldn't seem to get enough in fast enough for her taste) We haven't had a chance to make it consistent at this point (with the traveling and what not) our plan is to get moving onto other food soon as well. 4.5 months seems early to me but the doc quickly pointed out that she's still getting most of her nutrition from milk, this is just to get her used to eating. And apparently there is some evidence showing that earlier "eating" develops better eating habits (which we are all for!)

 - In other eating news, I've been toying with the idea of going vegan at home. And am slowly moving us that direction. What exactly does that mean you ask...well basically you eat vegan when you eat at home but may choose to eat animal products when eating at others homes or eating out. It's mostly for health and environmental reasons. Its getting harder and harder to deny that eating less animal products seems to be better for your health. So I'll keep you posted about our vegan eating at home...

- At the beginning of June I celebrated my 2 year anniversary at my current job. I still truly love it.  I love my students. I adore the people I work with. Its flexible, fulfilling but also not so much that I feel like I'm drowning. Its still a surprise that one can feel this good at work...

- We also celebrated one of my closest friend's 30th birthdays. We've known each other almost 20 years and it was pretty incredible to celebrate having spent those decades together. We've seen each other through graduations, losing family, losing girlfriends, getting married, having babies - 2 decades of life witnessed together. How lucky am I?

- And to round  out the friend love - one of my other best friends came into town to visit. Baby girl got to meet one of her beautiful Aunties. Another fabulous woman who has witnessed a good 2 decades of my life. The problem however is that it made me miss her even more. Thank goodness for skype and email and airplanes.

- Oh right, and of course, marriage equality passed in the US. But I am still having a hard time celebrating when there is an absolute civil rights crisis occurring for our black brothers and sisters. More to come on this, much much more.

So that's the haps my people. I hope all is well in your corners of the world.  "See" you soon!

Besos,

Sarah