Crazy Christmas 2013

I know that it might be February on saturday and I know this is late – story of my life these days though in terms of the blogging world.  But I feel the need to get it all down here since this appears to be the only record I keep of our lives these days (I better start making those blog books ASAP!)  So Christmas…

This, my friends, was not the Christmas from the storybooks.  It was not the night before christmas and nobody was stirring not even a mouse.  It was not merry christmas and to all a good night.  Oh no, because that's just not how the my fam does it….  Oh no.  We don’t like calm cool and collected – or relaxed, we definitely don’t like that.

About a week before Christmas the parentals drove up and stayed a weekend with me and SP – braving the fouton and the blow up bed to spend some quality time.  We ripped through a puzzle, ate good food, saw some Christmas lights and then the whirlwind weekend was over and we were bidding them adieu as they headed west to visit (and subsequently care for) one little brother.

SP is a CRAZY puzzler!

Christmas at our apartment :)

Exactly one week before Christmas my baby brother had ACL surgery.  And let me tell you something about ACL surgery (never having had it of course) – that sh*t is no joke.  He had surgery on Wednesday and on Friday I was in his studio apartment with my mom learning how to lift his leg off the bed so that he could crutch to the bathroom.  I was investigating no water shampoo options (because one’s showering options are limited by sutures and drugged legs…) We were assured baby brother would be just fine to travel by December 23^rd (only 5 days after surgery). 

So the parents toted one peg-legged brother about 2 hours to mine and SP’s tiny apt.  And we quickly learned that he really wasn’t just fine at all.  December 24^th was spent on the couch in my apartment feeling exhausted and uncomfortable and watching an exceptionally large number of movies.  December 25^th found one baby brother in bed beyond exhausted unable to make one more trip to the apartment.  So plan B was hatched…

Presents toted by santa’s elves (your’s truly and SP) over to hotel room where they were piled around the brother and on a neighboring bed.  Dinner was cooked at our apartment and then wrapped in towels and toted back to bed (good thing the hotel was nice and close)  And you know what?  It was great.  Hectic to the extreme, oh yes.  Probably torturous for my poor sore brother – most definitely yes.  But it definitely served as a strong reminder about what Christmas means to me.  It means family.  And laughter.  It means yummy food and hugs.  It means cherishing our moments together regardless of whether or not the house is perfectly decorated or the day goes to planned perfection.  It doesn’t matter.  Because on Christmas my family was together.  And nothing is better than that.

No Christmas tree?  No Problem!

We have this thing where we hold presents up by our faces...don't ask

Classy Hotel Dinner!

And then there's these two...

And on December 26^th we celebrated with SP’s family.  And I have two words for you – Potato Cannon.  

And it was the most redneck Christmas of all (and I say that truly lovingly!)  We did the crazy kid present time which is always a joy (my little pony warmed my heart through and through this year, as well as this jet pack I made for my little nephew)  And then the Potato Cannon needed to be scientifically tested.  I got to sneak off with the boys to try my hand at shooting it (at least 100yards I’d say) and then the rest of the family tried it in the back yard…oh yes the same potato cannon that just minutes ago had launched a potato 100 yards was fired off in a suburban neighborhood.  Needless to say the results were probably terrifying for the neighbors but HILARIOUS for those of us in the peanut gallery in the back.  We had a delicious dinner and once again shared time together.

 Some of the famous "Made-It" Gifts

I made this tote! (like sewed it!)

 And a very special home made "jet packs" for a very special little nephew

 Pink Pony was also a hit (side note, my little ponies are REALLY freaky now!)

Santa's Elves

Christmas Palooza

And that my friends is the true meaning of Christmas.  Crutches, Potato Cannons and love!

Hope yours was just as magical!

Be Brave!

Sarah

I'm Gay - Why I Miss Being Catholic

Let me start this off by saying I do not hate the Catholic church.  I was never mistreated by anyone in the Catholic Church directly.

In fact I have overwhelming amazing memories of growing up in my home parish.  I found immense joy in my youth church community.  And participating in my church grew not only my faith, but my person as well.  I think an incredibly large part of who I am is due to what I learned from the Catholic church as well as from the people I met there - who, while human, were overwhelmingly good, kind, loving people doing nothing more than trying to love one another and make the world a better place.  And as I've stated before I think everyone should be part of a community like that - one that is focused on generosity of spirit and faith in things outside themselves.

And while I think I've found a pretty fantastic church home (Where "All really does mean All" are welcome) I specifically miss the Catholic church.  I miss the beautiful rituals and the smell of the incense.  I miss the rhythm and the cadence of the mass.  And the way the congregation becomes one as they say the same prayers and sing the same songs.  I love the transformative moment when the priest stands at the altar and communes directly with God, reminding us of the bigger picture and the sacrifices that were made for us.  I miss the kneeling and the reverence and being forced outside of yourself for a moment.

On top of that there is a good majority of my family history that is tied into the Catholic Church and my heart aches sometimes when I think that my children will not be baptized into the Catholic church - that they will not be accepted into the gorgeous churches that I grew up revering.  That my daughters will not dress in white and make their first communion or stand in front of their congregations and confirm their beliefs.  That they will not be held up by the saints and angels that I have prayed to for the past 28 years.  Will they know the prayers I whisper when I can't sleep and know the beauty of rosaries beads that are not just a necklaces?  Will they sing the familiar hymns and know the beauty of kneeling in silence in a wash of gratitude?

It all makes me desperately sad, beyond measure.  Not that I don't feel the spirit move.  I do.  I know there is a plan for my life.  There is a divine twisting road that I do my best to follow.  And more importantly, I believe God is in the love.  He is in the meal I buy the homeless person on the corner.  He is in the hug I give to a troubled friend.  He is in my marriage and the sweetness we share.  He is in my family, who un-endingly loves me, flaws included.  He is in the reassuring words I give to my students.  That spirit of love and kindness and true, pure beauty swirls around me.  

But it's still really hard, even after all this time.  Even after all the conflict I always felt going to church even before being gay became an issue (I was always sort of an independent thinking Catholic) 

I still feel a disconnect.  I still feel a longing.  And I don't know if it is the missing of the familiar or what but I know it's there.  A small hole.  Right in my heart area.

But today isn't about that hole.  It's about being in "the love."  It's about recognizing that I am a unique creation in this universe (and you are too!)  It's about being empowered in the knowledge, that this perfect love...it's what matters in the end. 

On The 10th Day Of Christmas My True (Blog) Love Gave To Me...

Ok so today is the 10th day of Christmas (The 12 days between Christmas and the Epiphany on Jan 6) and I received this beautiful gift WELL before Christmas but the way things happened around the holidays I didn't have time to write about participating in the blogger craft exchange this year before now.  And I really wanted to do it justice because this sweet gift arrived right when I needed it.

Somehow I came across An Offering of Love's blog this year (I have no idea how - one of those twisted paths from one blog to another to another) and discovered the holiday craft exchange.  And while I'm not the craftiest (I'm working on it) I decided to put myself out of my comfort zone and participate.  So I signed up and giddily awaited who I would be assigned - the ladies over at 1 in Vermillion -  a new to me blog.  They celebrate Chanukah and as you may or may not know Chanukah came pretty darn early this year so I scrambled to make them some sort of worthy Chanukah craft.  And let me tell you what - the lack of Chanukah paraphernalia in stores was downright disgusting - alas I prevailed.  And you can see what I made here!

And then after feeling successful about what I created I super de duper giddilty awaited who would be crafting for me.  And lo and behold one evening before Christmas a little brown package was waiting for me on the door step after a particularly rough day at work and a particularly low point in my brain.  I ripped that badboy open and cried big fat tears as I read a beautiful card from Little Monster and Mommies.  I have to say it was even more special that my gift was from a blogger who I felt like knew me (isn't that crazy, that we can feel known across the vast time and space of the internet?).  While she and her beautiful wife whipped up some adorably perfect Christmas decorations that we proudly displayed on our tree.  I couldn't wait for SP to come home so I could show them off!

So here they are in all of there glory:

Aren't they gorgeous?  They even remembered crazy dog Kori!

And this particularly special one meant for my someday children covered in beautiful baby dust and a little of their baby Boo's magic:

Let me tell you something you people out there in the interwebs.  You fill my soul.  I can feel your cheers and your hope and your happiness.  On my lowest days I know there are others out there who have known this longing, who have known this roller coaster, who have known this ache. There just isn't anything else like it out there - these brave and beautiful women who surround me and lift me up.

So thank you Amanda and Kris and your Little Monsters for the beautiful (and tasty wink wink) gifts.  And an extra special thank you to Amanda who has been putting up with some serious venty-whinning from me outside of the blog-osphere - now that is dedication!  

I hope you had magical holidays and that 2014 is shaping up to be everything you want (and deserve)

Up next - Crazy Christmas 2013...oh and what a whirlwind it was...

Be Brave!

Sarah

2013…uh buh bye (And BE BRAVE in 2014!)

Obligatory couple-y picture!

Dear 2013 – thanks for everything but no offense, I think I’m ready for you to go.  Age 27 in the year 2013 it’s just not good.  And so while there has been a fair amount of blue-ness this year, there have also been many a wonderful highlight. 

And so…2013 in review:

January

It’s for Lovers people!  I still think this!  I turn 27 in San Francisco.  Fabulous low key birthday, even if 27 wasn’t my favorite.  I have some funky moments and we get rid of cable (Still don’t have it!)

February

We slowly but surely recover from the holidays.  I rejoice in a clean house and watch the superbowl.  We lose a very special little boy from this world.  I start focusing on the little lights in my life.  I Valentined…I know…me, my Grinch heart is growing.

March

Work gets really really hard – I vent a bit about it...  I reminisce about being in Germany!  I write about why I think people should go to “church”  And I write possibly my most important post about why having a legal marriage means something to me.  And the response blows me out of the water and restores my faith in humanity.

April

I start the self betterment project in this month (and FAILED miserably!)  We have a beautiful Easter celebration.  We go to New York and I fill my soul with music and park pretzels and Itailan food and family!  I go swimming and find a piece of myself.

May

We go to Morrow Bay and I remember how lucky I am to have amazing friends! I stop sleeping (I’m pretty sure this is becoming a bi-annual event)  SP GETS A NEW JOB!  I GET A NEW JOB!  We are officially crazy.

June

June kind of slips away from me this year.  And at the end of June REALLY momentous things happened in California.

July

And then it was July (I’m working 2 jobs at this point…)  I win the Liebster award and in the process meet some really amazing women on the interwebs!  We also get married again this month (and have a marriage license to prove it!)

August

Glory Hallelujah we have survived the summer (more or less)  I take a few days off to celebrate!  We go to San Diego so that I can regain some of my sanity and get some big hugs from my parents.

September

In September I reveal to you how much I want Babies and how hard it is. 

October

I tell you a little bit about how we celebrated our 1 YEAR Anniversary and then went to Utah for a weekend!  My Iphone tells you what’s really up.  We went to a Renaissance Faire and a new beautiful niece joined the family!

November

We took the annual trip to the Apple orchards with SP’s family and hung out with a little monkey and his mom’s for Halloween.  And another baby joined our adopted family!  (And I want to eat him right up)  We also celebrate SP’s birthday and go to the Day of the Dead!  And I eat some bluehoo cheese.

December

I tell you about our super fast 72hr thanksgiving in San Diego, seeing Mackelemore and Ryan Lewis, and getting into the Christmas spirit.  And I talk about Lighting Up the Dark!

And we’re officially full circle.

I haven’t really wrapped my head around 2014 yet but I think my biggest focus is going to be on being brave this year.  Because I think being brave can really encompass it all.  Brave people are strong enough to be kind to others because they are secure in themselves.  Brave people are happy because they don’t focus on fear or sadness.  Brave people change the world because they take risks.  Brave people have sadness and hard times but they know how to work past it.  So I think this year, this is the year for Bravery.

So in 2014, my friends, I wish you joy and love and light.  But most importantly – I urge you to go out there and be bold, be kind, be courageous, BE BRAVE!  You deserve it, and the world deserves the brave you.

Be Brave!

Love to you all!

Sarah

My Brave face!

Light Up The Dark!

Merry Christmas my Loves!  The pastor at the church we've been attending has been focusing on the fact that the season of Christmas is really about being a light in the darkness.  So this has been my mantra for the last few weeks (and hopefully will continue to be for weeks and weeks to come): "LIGHT UP THE DARK!"  Thank you all for being a light in my life (especially during the dark times)  Have a beautiful celebration and remember to bring light and love wherever you go!

Off the Grid?

Wow you guys, sorry for the disappearing act.  Honestly I don't know where the time has gone.  Is everybody saying that right now?  This whole super late thanksgiving thing really threw me off this year.  And then all of a sudden it's the middle of December.  What the what?!

That being said this is going to be a bullet pointy type update because I have a lot of time to cover and its still busy time (incase you hadn't noticed...)

-Thanksgiving

Was the bomb diggity.  We drove down to san diego to be with the parents and the brother.  And it was sunny and delicious and way too fast.  It was very relaxing and really nice to do nothing except be together and enjoy each other's company. And stuff our bocas full of thanksgiving food (and mexican food)  72hr thanksgiving babyyyeee

 So much yums and a night at the Welk Resort

So much Gorgeous!

-Time out from baby making

Sorry about the last whiny blog.  I was having a moment.  And now I'm taking a couple of months to enjoy the holidays and drink wine and not jack myself up on crazy meds. More developments to come in this area in the future (I hope)

-Macklemore and Ryan Lewis

As part of our (early) Christmas presents to each other we got tickets to a Macklemore and Ryan Lewis concert.  We spent the weekend in the City.  Saw the Christmas decorations in the store fronts, drank starbucks peppermint mochas, and went to one of. The. Best. Concerts. I've. Ever. Been. To. Period.  Can we talk about how much I love Macklemore?  It's a lot people.  The music was dynamic, the crowd was insane, the showmanship was off the charts.  There was fire and confetti and crazy dancing.  A-to-the mazing!

 Christmassy Thai food and some pretty city decorations

Macklemore is in there I swear!

-The start of Christmas palooza

My parents came up here this year to celebrate the holidays at mine and SP's house.  It's kind of a whirlwind this year though because one younger brother tore his acl and had surgery so it is a balance of holiday festivities and invalid taking care of.  That being said SP and I have looked at lights now 3 (count em) times (and it's only Dec 19th!)  So I think the Christmas cheer is alive and well (despite a small bout of the plague that I have now)

 These ones can possibly be seen from space?

-Brother in-law-Birthday!

We celebrated my brother in laws birthday with some delicious pizza and a gorgeously decorated cake a la SP.  I think she has a future what do you think?  (We might have also looked at Christmas lights this night…)

The Birthday Boy and his Very Special Cake...

A close up in case you needed to see the greatness more fully

The cute fam :)

And we got a new dog

We let him out I swear!

So that's what's been going on around these parts.  This weekend will be spent hanging out with family and helping tiny Tim (aka brother) crutch around and then its back to our house for Christmas Palooza 2013 at our house!

Blogger holiday craft exchange round up coming very very soon (for real!)

Merry Christmas my friends!  Much love and good wishes as we hurtle towards a new year (I feel pretty good about 2014...but that's another story for another time!)